I’m Looking For My Soulmate, Not Just Someone Decent

Some people don’t care why their partner wants to be with them, but for me, it’s crucial that the guy I’m dating is with me for the right reasons. The last thing I want is to be the woman that my boyfriend settled for. This is why I refuse to be with a man who’s just dating me to chase away loneliness — I’m looking for my soulmate:

  1. I refuse to just be a warm body. Hookup buddies, friends with benefits, keeping things casual — whatever you want to call it, I’m not interested. I want the guy lying next to me in bed to actually give a damn about me instead of just screwing me. If you’re just interested in me because of what my body can offer you, stay out of my life.
  2. I should feel special. I don’t want to be just a girl you picked at random from the bunch. Being in love should make me feel good about myself. I want to be with a man who sees me differently than everyone else does. I want to know what it’s like to not just feel pretty or hot, but beautiful. If I’m going to be with you, I need to know that it’s because you see me as a one-of-a-kind woman.
  3. You should feel lucky to have me. I want to feel so incredibly lucky to have found the man of my dreams, and I want him to feel the same way about me. If our love doesn’t feel like a blessing to you, then maybe it’s not enough. All the BS that comes with playing dating games should make you feel that much more grateful for finding a quality partner, and if you don’t, then we’re both better off looking for different people.
  4. I don’t want to be your cure for loneliness. If you’re unhappily single, I’m not the solution to your problem. I’m not going to be your girlfriend just because you’re sick of being alone. If you don’t have real feelings for me, then let me go find someone who does. I’m no one’s cure to loneliness — if you’re not with me because you love me, then you shouldn’t be with me at all.
  5. I can’t make you happy. No woman can. That’s something you need to figure out on your own. Happiness doesn’t come from relationships, friends, or even money. It comes from you. If you can’t be happy on your own, then that’s not going to change just because you’re jumping into a relationship. I want you to be fulfilled before we date so I know that you’re not just using me to try to fill a void in your life.
  6. I’m a catch. I’m not being conceited. I simply have the sense of self-worth that every woman should have. I know how great I am, and I want a man that can see it too. If you think I’m just an ordinary girl, then set me free to find someone who realizes what I really bring to the table.
  7. I deserve real love. I won’t settle for anything less. If you’re not fully satisfied with our relationship, please don’t stay and force me to be in a relationship with a man who doesn’t really love me. I deserve to know what it feels like to be loved by someone entirely, so if you can’t give that to me, then just let me continue to be single.
  8. I don’t want to be the girl any man settles for. I want to be the girl of your dreams, not the girl you tolerate because no one better came along. If I’m not the one you’ve been searching for your whole life, then let me go. It might hurt, but in the long run, we’ll both be better off. You should really wait for true love, and if you can’t find it with me, you’re just screwing yourself over.
  9. I want to make you happy, not just content. If your life with me is simply okay, then that’s no life at all. When I’m in a relationship, I do everything I can to make my partner the happiest he’s ever been. If I’m not doing that for you, then neither of us has found what we’re looking for.
  10. I’d never settle for you. If I’m with you, it’s because there’s no one else on this planet I’d rather date. I take my love life very seriously, and that means I’m not just going to date a guy because “he’ll do.” You can rest assured that you’re the only guy I want to be kissing, and all I ask is that you’re just as selective when deciding if you want to be with me.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.