When You Lose A Best Friend, You Learn Some Hard Lessons

When You Lose A Best Friend, You Learn Some Hard Lessons ©iStock/princigalli

Breaking up is hard to do, but it’s even more painful when the one calling it quits is the person who’s usually helping you get through it. When you get dumped by your best friend, you go through the usual stages of heartbreak — denial, searching for answers, anger, and blame. Slowly but surely, after a few pints of ice cream and one too many tequila shots, you begin to see the lessons this experience has taught you:

  1. It’s way worse than losing a boyfriend. Hands down, a friend breakup is infinitely worse than losing a boyfriend. We enter new relationships knowing that they may not work out, but friendships are supposed to be forever. You feel hurt, betrayed and devastated. But, just like every other breakup, the pain begins to wear off and eventually you start to heal and move on.
  2. People change and that’s okay. You’ve grown together as individuals but now you’ve grown apart. Like everything else in life, people change. It’s clear that you aren’t the same people that you were when you first met and that’s okay. Maybe you don’t have much in common anymore or you’re each at different stages — whatever the reason, remember that you’re still a good person and that friend breakups are just a fact of life.
  3. You’re not the same person you used to be. Once you realize that you’ve both changed, take some time to reflect on the person you are now in contrast to who you were when your friendship formed. Are you happier with yourself? More confident? Less likely to put up with BS? I would bet that you’re now in a better place. Be proud of how far you’ve come and don’t cry over those who drop off along the way.
  4. Your happiness is important. Friend breakups are almost always mutual, whether it feels that way or not. It’s likely that both of you were unhappy in your relationship but only one of you had the balls to come out and say it. Now that it’s over, you can focus on what you truly value in others and work towards making new, happier friendships.
  5. Resentment is pointless. When you’re the dumpee, it’s hard not to hold a grudge. The thing is, resentment is pointless. If you have mutual friends, don’t put those relationships at risk by gossiping and complaining about your ex-bestie. Instead, redirect that energy into forming new bonds.
  6. There’s strength in forgiveness. Sure, you’re angry and a little hurt. That’s completely valid! But dwelling on your broken friendship will only make you more miserable. The best thing you can do for yourself is forgive them and move on. Yes, it’s easier said than done — forgiveness takes a lot of courage, strength, and maturity — but, ultimately, you’ll be 100% happier once you do.
  7. You have a lot of other amazing friends. Who did you call immediately after your BFF broke things off? Chances are that you have a lot of other dependable and amazing friends you confided in. Focus on making these friendships stronger and you’ll quickly you get back what you put in.
  8. It’s a blessing in disguise. You wouldn’t have learned all of these valuable lessons had your BFF not dumped you, right? Thanks to their actions, you’re a better person. Take your best friend breakup as an opportunity to learn, grow, and figure out the kind of people you truly want in your life.
Kait is a freelance writer and digital marketing coordinator living in Toronto. She's the founder and managing of Spark Social Agency. You can find her on Twitter @kaitshiels.