After a particularly grueling breakup, I picked myself back up by starting an exercise program. I ended up losing a bunch of weight, which should be a good thing, but now I’m regretting it because of all the attention I’m getting. Being thin is not what I thought it would be—in fact, it’s proving to be more of a nightmare than a dream life.
I’m realizing how much I actually hate being the center of attention. I’m already a really shy person, but after losing a bunch of weight, I’m at a total loss of what to do with all this unwanted attention. I becoming paranoid about all the stares on me, thinking that women are judging me for being too thin or that men are looking at me in a sexual way. It’s making going out in public a pretty scary experience.
It’s too much pressure. When you’re thin, people expect you to be this perfect person and when you’re not, they’re that much more disappointed. I guess they assume that someone who puts that much effort into their health and appearance would also be on the top of their game mentally and emotionally, but I just can’t keep up. I feel pressure to be perfect all the time in every way and it’s so damn exhausting.
People think I’m a bitch for some reason. The problem with being thin is that if you turn a guy down or aren’t super nice to someone for one second, people automatically think you’re a bitch. I also find that women are especially instantly suspicious of me and I have to prove to them that I’m a nice person.
It makes me sad to know how much guys value physical appearance. The most disappointing thing about getting thin is that I’m now able to see how men truly see women. They go right for the thinnest, prettiest girl in the room. I sometimes feel like they pursue me just for the sake of it, just to see if they can get me. They have no idea who I am—all they know is that I have a nice body. It makes me sad for the previous me and for women in general who aren’t a size 4. We all deserve to be pursued.
Guy friends started to become attracted to me. One of the most disheartening parts of getting thin is that my guy friends have started to act weird around me. Lo and behold, I’m not friends with a lot of them anymore. They used to hint at sexual things every now and then and it made me really sad actually that they were willing to throw away our friendship just for a chance to get with me.
It made me bitter about being a woman. It didn’t take long for me to start resenting the fact that I’m getting all this attention just because of the shape of my body. The difference was so huge that I started to wish that I wasn’t even female. It’s just too much to keep up with. If I put back on all the weight, will I go back to being lonely? It just feels so unfair.
A part of me became addicted to the validation and I hated that. Even though I technically hate the attention, for a while I couldn’t seem to get enough of it. It started to become something that I expected and if it wasn’t there, I would doubt myself instantly and start thinking, well, maybe I didn’t lose enough weight. Those are really dangerous thoughts.
I’ve started attracting the wrong kind of guys. The kind of guys I attract as a thinner, more attractive me are the jock types who aren’t very smart. They ask me out and then once they realize that I’m actually a bit of a nerd and probably funnier and smarter than them, they got majorly intimidated. Maybe there’s a reason why I was pudgy before. I mean, that’s when I met the coolest, most down-to-earth kinda guys.
Guys are attracted to me for really shallow reasons. I hate the fact that the reason I’m being asked out isn’t because of my personality or my sense of humor but solely for my looks. It’s sad to know that girls who are thin have more of a shot at happiness and finding a relationship than girls who are chubby. It sucks. Obviously it’s not true across the board, but the odds are heavily stacked in thin women’s favor and it’s totally unfair.
It hurts that I’m being treated better for something so frivolous. My friends have started setting me up with people and asking to hang out more often and are just generally more interested in my life. I’m generally treated better these days not only by strangers but people who know and love me. It’s sad to think that if only I’d lost weight earlier in my life, maybe I would have more friends.
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