Butt sex is probably one of the biggest sexual taboos out there. It’s one of those naughty acts that’s portrayed as something guys are dying to do and women are afraid of. If you do actually decide to try it out, it’s probably long after you’ve had vaginal sex, right? Well, that wasn’t quite how it happened for me. Here’s why I don’t regret having butt sex first:
- It was for safety purposes. Truth time: I wasn’t on birth control yet when I was ready to lose my virginity. My boyfriend at the time and I were rearing to go but we also weren’t idiots; condoms would help but neither of us was willing to take any chances. Obviously, we weren’t interested in dealing with teenage pregnancy.
- It was a (safe) way to be close to this man I was with. Regardless of how badly we wanted to avoid getting pregnant, we wanted to have sex with each other almost equally as much. We had already rounded the bases in other ways, many times and we were both ready to take things to the next level. Weirdly, butt seemed like a way to avoid pregnancy while still being with each other in an intimate way.
- This was something we agreed to do together. It was honestly very mature, considering we were just teenagers. We sat down, had a conversation about what we wanted to do, weighed the pros and cons, and then armed ourselves with the proper tools; i.e. lots of lube. Neither of us felt pressured at any time and that made for a really special experience.
- We still practiced safe sex in other ways. I’ll repeat, we weren’t idiots. We knew pregnancy wasn’t the only thing to worry about; butt sex isn’t going to prevent STDs, of course. Rest assured, we practiced safe sex in other ways, which helped institute responsible practices early on in our sexual lives. That’s right—early butt sex helped me become a responsible sexually active person. You read it here first.
- It took some of the fear out of the experience. Let’s pretend this guy and I didn’t have butt sex. In that world, I can imagine that years later I’d meet a man who I really liked, and when we got to that, “Do you think we should try butt sex?” conversation, I would freak out. I’d hope that this alternate timeline boyfriend wouldn’t freak out and leave, but it would definitely be embarrassing and awkward for me. What I’m saying is that by getting this act out of the way early, in a safe environment with someone I trust, I kind of broke down the butt sex wall for future encounters.
- Honestly, it’s a great story to tell girlfriends. Come on, let’s be real—it sounds kind of cool to tell my girlfriends that I had butt sex first. Literally, no one can believe it and I end up giving advice like I’m some kind of sex guru, which I’m definitely not. This might sound like a super petty reason (because, well, it is) but everyone needs to have a few fun sex stories that they can whip out during a girls’ night out.
- It helped me expand my sexual horizons. Starting off my post-virgin life with a unique experience like this has really helped me keep an open mind. Knowing that I’m comfortable taking these kinds of risks allowed me to say “yes” more in bed—when I was 100 percent comfortable with saying yes, of course. This has helped me figure out what I really like and don’t like sexually; some risks have been huge flops, others have been breakthrough moments. But I don’t honestly think I would have been able to take any of those risks without that big, first one. So I guess I owe this experience to a life of anything but white-bread sex.
- Ultimately, it made my first time that much better. You probably guessed that I lost my virginity to this same guy. I did! After about two months of just butt sex (among other things), my body was finally fully on birth control. We jumped into having vaginal sex almost immediately and had much less butt sex from that point on. Honestly? My first time was pretty great. It wasn’t mind-blowing or anything like that, but it wasn’t some awkward horror story that you often hear. The pain was minimal and the whole act didn’t feel too foreign after what we had been doing for the last eight weeks. Best of all, we were really connected with one another. It was like we had been having sex for months because, well, we had been.
- I definitely don’t regret the order we went in. It might be a little unorthodox, but butt sex acted as a fantastic bridge between sex and everything else for me and my partner. The experience ended up broadening my sexual horizons, keeping me safe from pregnancy, and leaving me with one hell of a story to tell over cocktails.