I’ve Lost Count Of How Many Men I’ve Slept With—Who Cares?

It’s a subject that comes up all too often and whenever I’m asked how many people I’ve slept with, I’m more than happy to tell the truth. The truth is, I’ve lost track. I’m not sure if people are more surprised by my answer or the fact that I’m not ashamed in the slightest. Here are just a few of the reasons I live my sex life shamelessly:

  1. I like sex. It’s probably the most obvious reason. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with safe and consensual sex. In fact, it’s good for you. I’m willing to admit I probably have a higher sex drive than most, but I see no reason to stop doing something I enjoy.
  2. I’m living my best life. Whether it’s in a relationship or as a casual hookup, I’ve done it all and regret nothing. I’ve had my fair share of relationships, but I’m no stranger to the single life and hookup culture. I do what I want when I want with no shame.
  3. Guys don’t worry about it. It’s such a double standard! Feeling guilty about having multiple partners has traditionally only been a problem for women and I’m over it. Men don’t feel bad about it and neither do I.
  4. It doesn’t diminish your worth. This point is vital so I’ll say it again: the number of people you sleep with has no effect on your self-worth. Maybe you’re still traumatized from that one time in sex-ed where the teacher passed around a piece of paper and told each kid to tear off a little part. By the time the paper travels around the class it’s ripped, crinkled, and significantly smaller, symbolizing your self-worth. Well, I’m here to tell you that’s just not true. Besides the fact that this idea is incredibly anti-feminist, it’s also outdated and offensive. Think about it; if this were true, wouldn’t that mean that the most valuable thing about you is your virginity? My philosophy is the opposite. I like to think I walk away from each encounter with a new experience, and the sum of all your experiences make you who you are.
  5. Times are changing. The world is finally warming up to the crazy idea that women like sex too. What a time to be alive! Millennials are embracing sex positivity and attitudes are changing. Now, more than ever, I’m seeing portrayals of like-minded women in shows like She’s Gotta Have It, Transparent, and basically anything with Amy Schumer. That’s not to say that some people still don’t understand. I get my fair share of judgment, which leads me to my next point…
  6. I don’t care what people think. At the end of the day, I really don’t care if people think I’m promiscuous or easy. They don’t get it and they’re definitely not getting it. I like my sex life way too much to let slut-shaming stop me. I suppose I could lie and give a smaller number when someone asks me how many partners I’ve had. But I’m open about it because I don’t see anything wrong with it, and hopefully other women will feel encouraged to do the same.
  7. It doesn’t interfere with relationships. Just because I’ve had sex with a lot of people in the past doesn’t mean I can’t commit to a healthy and fulfilling relationship. If anything, all the experience I’ve had actually makes it easier for me to know what I want. I don’t try to hide my sexual history from any of my potential partners. Usually they aren’t bothered by it and if they are, it’s a huge red flag. I wouldn’t want to be with someone like that anyway.
  8. I’m playing it safe. STIs are real. There’s no denying that. Having a lot of sex with different people can be risky if you’re not being careful. I’m very serious about safe sex and condoms are a requirement. But honestly, everyone should be going to the gynecologist and getting tested because adulting.
  9. I have supportive, sex-positive friends. I love dishing the dirty details and nightly escapades to my girl gang. No matter how scandalous or tame the story, we always support and encourage each other. You’ve got to admit, there’s nothing better than getting that “yasss Kween” text from your best friend when you show her a picture of who you were with last night.
  10. Self-love is key. I’m lucky enough to be comfortable in my own skin, and I’m going to continue to do things that make me happy. I’m not going to change anytime soon, nor would I want to. This is who I am, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Beatriz Haze is an Atlanta native and young professional. When not working, she enjoys traveling the world and writing. Beatriz is a new contributor to Bolde, and is always on the lookout for the next adventure.