Growing up, I always envisioned what it would be like to find “The One.” I was sure it would be a magical, breathtaking, soul connecting experience. Unfortunately, when my person came along, I wasn’t ready for him and I lost him because of it.
He seemed to be too into me. He was everything I wanted in a guy: attentive, showering me with compliments, emotionally available… you get the point. He always had the right words to say and made an effort to try out things I liked. These qualities should have made me feel amazingly lucky to have met a guy like him, but instead I felt smothered. I never thought I would feel like a guy was too into me but that’s exactly how I felt.
I found myself creating imaginary red flags. When I talked about him to others, I would complain about his imperfections rather than focusing on his good traits. These weren’t my usual deal breakers, they were petty things that I found he lacked like not liking soccer. Usually when talking about someone I was dating, I’d highlight their positive qualities, but I was doing the opposite with this guy.
It seemed too good to be true. He was a solid guy; he complimented my personality well and we balanced each other out. It seemed too perfect and I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Sometimes I even tried to provoke a reaction in him that was unsavory, but I was unsuccessful. It was hard to believe that he was just a genuine, honest, loyal, good guy.
It was totally unexpected. When I met my person, it came out of the blue. I wasn’t actively dating; I met him randomly on a night out and thought he was cute but I didn’t think much of it. I thought we would go on a couple of dates and that would be it. Instead, I kept finding similarities between us, a shared way of thinking and enjoyment of the same things. It felt like we’d known each other for ages! Frankly, it terrified me.
I felt uneasy and undeserving. Having a guy who was such a good catch be so unashamedly into me was somewhat unusual for me. I was used to guys playing games, acting like they were hard to get or being too proud to show their feelings. And yet, here was this guy who was self-assured, confident, and openly pursuing me. I almost felt like I didn’t deserve him.
I self-sabotaged. I felt scared that it would all blow up in my face if I gave him a chance. So instead of letting myself go and relishing in a good relationship, I began creating mountains out of molehills and problems where there were none. Each time, I would catch myself spinning out over something small he did and automatically imagine that this was a clue to a bad side of him he was hiding.
The timing was off. I was in a good place in my life; I was enjoying being single, having fun with my friends, and I was pleased with how well things were going in my career. I just wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. As amazing as this guy was, mentally I couldn’t wrap my head around dating him, falling in love, and possibly building a future together with him. Getting to know him, I felt that if I opened myself up to a relationship with him, things would go down that track and I just couldn’t cope. It made me feel like I was a crazy person turning down a guy that most girls would only dream of having.
I knew I wasn’t prepared to give it my all. On further self-reflection, I realized that would have half-assed the relationship if I let it turn into one. A part of me wanted to go along with dating him in the hope that eventually I would shake my feelings of unease and things would click. However, until that happened, I would be stringing him along, not being entirely emotionally available to him. That would’ve been so unfair. I wouldn’t want to do that to him because I know how bad it feels when other guys have done that to me.
I think we can have more than one soulmate. Letting go of my person was hard. I was terrified that I wouldn’t find someone else like him again or that he would move on and meet a great girl and forget about me. I know it’s selfish not to want him to find happiness until I was ready to be with him but I couldn’t help it. The thought that we all can have more than one soulmate in this life has been giving me some comfort. If we’re destined to be together after all, then we’ll cross paths again in the future and everything will feel just right. If not, then I have to believe that I’m going to meet another soulmate at the right time when I’m ready and we’ll have a fantastic life together. As cliche as it sounds, I have to believe it’s possible.
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