I have clinical depression. I’m fine, but it does mean I have to take medication — medication which has the interesting side effect of switching off my libido like a light. I should probably be angry or worried about this, but honestly, it’s kinda great. Here are some ways my life has improved since my sex drive went on vacation:
- I can talk to beautiful men. Like, actually speak in coherent sentences to one of those off the charts attractive guys who normally reduce me to a gibbering heap of neurotic tendencies. No more psyching myself up, saying “HI!” way too loud, and then quickly leaving and analyzing what his body language meant. I can finally just talk to him like a regular person.
- I can say “no” to anyone. It is so nice to just tell guys when they’re being jerks and to turn down whatever favor they’re asking of me today. I never have the “possible relationship” voice in my head, so I never do anything I don’t want to do.
- I don’t want to date and I don’t have to. With no clock ticking the seconds since I last had sex, I just don’t have to do the whole dating thing. Dating is simply unpleasant. When there’s no real appeal to the possible naked times after dinner, it just becomes a series of job interviews — and who wants to go on a series of job interviews? Instead, I get to be single and stay at home binging Friends for the third time. And let’s face it, that’s all any of us really want to do with our time.
- I’m so productive, it’s ridiculous. You know what becomes important when orgasms lose their flavor? Everything else in your life. I’ve been rocking it in every area of my life since I stopped devoting 35% of my brain space to figuring out how to meet and marry the right guy. I’ve been learning new skills, finding new jobs and generally being a total badass. It’s kind of great.
- I don’t put up with BS from anyone. It’s like selective blindness. You look at your friend and think, “Why is she putting up with that?” and then you turn around and bend over backwards for a possible soulmate who only wants you to change everything about yourself. I’m just not blind to that stuff anymore. If someone treats me in a way I don’t deserve to be treated, I call them out on it.
- I get to look however I want. I’m not trying to attract a mate, so I’ve literally gone outside in a panda onesie. When IDGAF about being hot, I pretty much get to do whatever fashion tragedy strikes me as a good idea that day.
- When I go out for the night, I actually get to enjoy myself. I don’t spend all my time wondering if that guy in the corner is eyeballing me because of how ridiculously hot I’m looking tonight or because my skirt is caught in my underwear and I’ve been flashing the room without realizing it for the last half hour. Instead, I get to just chill with my friends, talk, laugh and generally be a baller. And when I dance at a club? No sexy, sultry, “I’m taking an invisible shower” moves for me. I go wild and dance like nobody’s watching. Have I pulled out the chicken dance? You bet your sweet ass I have.
- I get to watch from a distance while everyone else’s relationship implodes. Okay, that sounds super bitchy, but let’s face it: in this day and age, about 98% of relationships end in implosion. It seems like barely a week goes by without hearing that one friend or another cheated, got in a huge fight or got straight up ghosted. It’s all just horrible and I’m not a part of it, which is pretty sweet.
- I love my friends that much more. Some people might worry that no libido means loneliness, and maybe it would if I didn’t have such a totally kickass set of ladies to chill with on the reg —I mean serious ride or die friends who were there for me when life got tough and who I’ll be there for any time, any place. My love isn’t getting diverted into a bottomless relationship pit — it’s going to the girls who really deserve it. I’ve replaced men with friends, and friends are so much better.
