I Love Being Alone But I’m Also Afraid I’ll Never Find Someone

I crave time to myself. Growing up, I enjoy reading and listening to music in my room more than partying with friends. I’m not depressed or antisocial, I simply enjoy my own company—and that’s exactly why I’m afraid I’ll never find someone.

It takes a long time to open up to people. I’m an introvert if that wasn’t immediately clear. I’m comfortable by myself, but I find it hard to come out of my shell with other people. While I’m a very private person, I still appreciate thoughtful conversations. I wouldn’t mind going on a one-on-one date with someone who appreciates a quiet soul like mine.

I don’t like going out all the time. I know that being in a relationship means spending as much time together as we can. I’ll be expected to accompany my partner to weddings, parties, and family gatherings and I get it. I do enjoy dates, especially those where we can stroll in companionable silence. I love watching movies with someone and laughing or crying at all the right scenes. However, I can’t fully commit to being available all the time. There will be times where I just want to be alone, whether in my room or having coffee at a coffee shop by myself. Whoever I end up with will need to be cool with that.

I need time to recharge. I’m not shy; I can be outgoing. I can spend time with someone and have fun with the activities my guy enjoys, but there will always be days when I feel a little overwhelmed and I recharge by spending some time alone. If I ever meet someone, he’ll have to understand that there will be moments where I just want to curl up alone with a book. He doesn’t have to worry that I don’t want to be with him or that something’s wrong. When I finally want to meet up, we’ll have more things to talk about. I’ll have plenty of stories and experiences to share.

I enjoy working out alone. If my future S.O. thinks that working out together is something we’ll be doing, he’s wrong. I like exercising and doing sit-ups in my living room by myself. We can sweat together in other activities, but fitness is a purely solo endeavor for me.

I’m not good with planning around someone else. I’m so used to only thinking about what I want to do, where I want to go, and what I want to accomplish. Planning things around someone else is completely new to me. I’m afraid that despite my best efforts, I’ll still fall short. My future S.O. will need to understand that this doesn’t come from selfishness or thoughtlessness. Keeping up with someone else and considering their preferences and needs will need some getting used to.

I don’t need constant attention. What I need is love, support, and respect. I don’t need someone who’ll constantly check on me, text me, or call me. I can function alone for a few hours or days apart. I need someone who will support my interests and goals even if they don’t involve him. If I ever meet that someone, I’ll ask what drives him and support him in living his best life too.

Despite needing alone time, I’m also willing to compromise. There are different activities we can do together and I’ll still be able to enjoy the personal space I crave. For instance, we can hike together. While hiking, I can process my thoughts as well as spending time with him. I can hang out with him and do other things alone together.

I’m genuinely worried about getting married and having kids. What am I going to do when the time comes to have a family of my own? Will I be able to properly care for them? Having that many people needing my attention and my energy at all hours with no privacy—will I survive? Despite my uncertainty, I still want a life partner and I definitely want to be a mom.

Even if I don’t find someone, I’m whole on my own. I don’t need someone to “complete” me. I want to find someone who will understand that I need personal space. Someone who will recognize the signs and understand when I need to take some time to myself. Someone who gets that as much as I want to spend time with him, I also need time to be alone. I know that I don’t need to find someone who’s exactly like me. I can even date an extrovert if I want to. He simply needs to understand my needs as much as I’ll understand his.

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