I Love Being Single But It Kinda Sucks That Everyone Around Me Is Coupling Up

I truly love being single. I get to do whatever I want, whenever I want and I don’t have to consider anyone else in any of the decisions I make. It’s pretty sweet. At the same time, sometimes I feel out of place as my peers couple up, shack up, and start making babies. To each their own, but I do feel weird once in a while.

  1. I know I’m also evolving, but it’s different. I take my growth and development very seriously. I do a lot of work on my internal self but that’s not always apparent to the outside world. It’s a lot easier to mark the traditional milestones of engagement, marriage, house, kids, etc. I might not have those things but it doesn’t make me less important or accomplished than those that do.
  2. I sometimes worry that I’m crazy for not wanting that. I accepted long ago that I’m not very traditional and that my path might look strange to others. Still, once in a while my confidence wavers and I wonder if I’m going to look back and regret my choices. I know deep down that I won’t but I still have my moments of doubt.
  3. I get nervous that my friends and I will eventually drift apart. I hope that our friendships are strong enough to survive but I suppose it’s natural to worry. After all, our lives will differ greatly once they get married and have kids. They won’t have as much spare time to spend with me and we won’t have as much in common either.
  4. I usually don’t care but then I’ll randomly get jealous. I’m not sure where it comes from, but once in a while when a friend has good news regarding something to do with a relationship or some adult achievement, I’ll feel a sting of envy. I don’t know why I’m that way —I’m happy for her, of course, but I also want that happiness for myself.
  5. I question my gut instincts in weak moments. Just when I think I fully own my path in life, I worry that maybe it’s all a huge mistake. After all, I never thought I’d be single in my mid-thirties. My imagined adult life has not come to fruition, and that’s OK—I’ve changed a lot. At the same time, I get scared that I’m wrong about what I want.
  6. I wonder if people judge me for my choices. Again, this only happens in weak moments. Most of the time I don’t give a damn what anyone thinks of me. It’s messed up if they do judge me because it’s no business of theirs. It’s my life and I get to make my own decisions. Still, sometimes defensiveness creeps into my voice when I talk about it.
  7. I get scared that it’ll get lonely. I’ve always been comfortable being alone but I’ve also always had a strong network of friends who are there when I need them. As we get older and they acquire more responsibility, I’m afraid there won’t be room for me in their lives anymore and that I’ll realize too late that I’m actually lonely for company.
  8. I have to remind myself that I like my life. When moments of fear and doubt occur, I have to reassure myself that I’m on the journey I’m meant to take. All I can do is live in the present, stay open and positive, and proceed in whatever fashion speaks to me authentically. I’m independent, free, and happy, and that’s everything to me.
  9. I feel bad because I’m not interested in the family lives of others. I’m worried that eventually, all my friends will talk about is their home lives and their kids because that will be what’s going on with them. I’m worried that I’ll be bored, no matter how much I care for them as people. I hope I’m not that much of a jerk but I might be.
  10. I feel disconnected because I don’t understand the other side of things. I know that I shouldn’t have kids because I truly and honestly don’t even understand why anyone wants them. They’re fun and all but I like my independence, my peace and quiet, and spending my money how I see fit. There’s an awkward rift between me and those who feel the opposite.
  11. I don’t think I should have to explain myself. Much of the tension I feel when it comes to my life choices has nothing to do with me but rather with others. I don’t have to justify my decisions to anyone, of course, but people are really insensitive about it. As soon as I say I don’t care about getting married or having kids, I turn into some fascinating weirdo to interrogate.
  12. I get tired of defending my choices. Most of the time I don’t even bother because it’s my life, not anyone else’s. Still, people can be so antagonizing! I don’t know why they care so much unless they feel some underlying doubt about it themselves—why else get so offended by how I decide to exist?
  13. I feel like I respect the decisions of others but don’t get that respect back. It’s tough to want to be respectful when I feel disrespected. I don’t think I’d feel so weird sometimes if other people didn’t put their own expectations on me. When someone tells me that they want a partner and kids, I don’t act like that’s weird and grill them so they shouldn’t do it to me.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.