Imagine walking into a room full of people with your BFF when she looks like a Victoria’s Secret model. That’s what I experience with my bestie, who has men drooling over her all the time. That’s basically why I never want to introduce her to any of the guys I date.
- I’m really freaking jealous. Can you blame me? She’s stunning, has a great personality, and is super smart. She’s like some sort of perfect alien. In comparison, I always feel unattractive, stupid, and boring. I know my feelings have more to do with me than her, but I can’t deny that they’re there. Ugh, it sucks.
- She casts a spell on men. They completely ignore me when she’s around, so I’m not exaggerating all her great qualities. Whenever my bestie and I are out in public, men hit on her constantly. I usually end up waiting for her to finish chatting with them, feeling like a total loser. Don’t get me wrong—I’m happy for her and want the best for her, of course, but I don’t feel comfortable introducing men to her.
- I know it’s not a competition. Friends are supposed to support each other, not compete. She actually does support me and she’s not the type to try to steal the guy I’m dating. The minute she senses I’m interested in someone, she backs off bigtime, but I can’t help feeling worried about what the men I date will do when they see her!
- This isn’t all in my head—I’ve lost a guy to her before. A few years ago, I dated a guy for about six months before he met my best friend. I noticed him giving her flirtatious looks during that outing but I tried not to jump the gun. So what if he thought she was stunning? She is! A few days later, he hinted to me that he wanted to be with her. He was drunk at the time, but still. It hurt like hell and I felt like he was showing me his true feelings. He wasn’t interested in me.
- I’ve had guys use me to get closer to her. Another guy I really liked asked me out to dinner and spent the entire evening asking me questions about my BFF. It was so depressing. Since this has happened with guys in the past, I really worry that any guy I’m madly in love with will follow suit and fall for my friend. I’m afraid of wasting time dating guys who are just going to leave me for her or secretly pine after her.
- I keep my boyfriend a secret. It sounds horrible, but I prefer not to let my BFF meet my boyfriend. This takes quite a lot of planning and a bit of dishonesty. I tell my boyfriend I’m going out with colleagues when I’m meeting my best friend so that he doesn’t wonder why he’s met all my loved ones except for her. Then I have to lie to my best friend about my relationship—I pretend I’m not dating anyone for as long as I can.
- I feel like a crappy friend. Obviously, this isn’t cool behavior. I’m negatively affecting my friendship by hiding my relationships from her. Once or twice, she’s joked about how I’m so secretive about my dating life. If only she knew it’s because of her! She’s not stupid, though—I did mention her amazing intelligence. Recently, she heard through the grapevine that I’d dated someone not too long ago and she confronted me about it. She wanted to know why I hadn’t told her anything about it. Turns out, my ex knew her friend. My friend found out that I’d dated that guy for five months and hadn’t told her. She was upset and I think she’s becoming more secretive around me now in return. I can’t blame her.
- I’m ruining my romantic relationships too. I always feel like I’m on rented time with guys I date. Since I can’t hide my friend from them forever, sooner or later I’m going to have to let them meet, and I’m so afraid that it’ll be the end of my relationship with the guy. I also fear that my friendship might suffer to the point where I can’t deal with losing guys to my BFF anymore and we just don’t talk anymore. Ugh, it’s horrible.
- I need to sort this out. If I’m being realistic, I know that not every single man on earth is going to choose my best friend over me. It’s my fears that are getting out of control here. But at what cost? Is it worth ruining a special friendship and/or any relationships over this? No! I need to get my act together, but that’s easier said than done.
- I need to be my own best friend. I really think highly of my best friend, and so would you if you knew her. However, since my recent confrontation with her, I’ve realized that I need to stop thinking about her great qualities and focus on my own. I might not be as attractive as her or have such a charming personality, but I have lots to offer. If guys can’t see that, then they don’t deserve to be with me—and my best friend would tell them that straight up.
