I Love Having A Big Heart But It Causes Me A Lot Of Pain

I wouldn’t change who I am, but sometimes I do wish things were a bit easier for me. I’m a very sensitive, emotional, empathetic person. I want to be like that because I want to be kind and compassionate. At the same time, I get hurt very easily and it seriously sucks.

  1. I feel my emotions really deeply. Everything feels magnified when it goes through me. It can be really difficult but I don’t know any other way to be. I feel sadness and hurt for myself and for others so much that sometimes it’s like actual physical pain. I don’t want to be a different person—I love that I care but it’s still very exhausting at times.
  2. I empathize with the pain of others. I didn’t even know what an empath is until recently, and once I discovered the term, a lot of stuff suddenly made more sense. I get overwhelmed sometimes because I want to fix all the problems of the world and obviously I can’t. I end up distressed, helpless and hopeless instead. Empathy can be incredibly debilitating.
  3. I want to help everyone. I get so confused about who needs help the most that I end up not doing anything at all. I’m trying to change this but I can’t help feeling guilty every time I can’t give someone money, time or effort. I want to take care of everything and I just can’t do it. I’m only one person, and honestly, I don’t really know how to most effectively go about distributing my help.
  4. I get overwhelmed easily. Because I feel so much, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. I want to lie in bed and hide from it all because it feels like too much to tackle. I have to indulge in a good amount of self-care just to keep from losing my mind entirely. I need to breathe and take things one at a time or I don’t end up dealing with anything at all.
  5. I’m super sensitive. I hide it well, but I do get hurt very easily. I care about others and I get upset if I feel like they don’t care about me. I dislike when people treat me or others insensitively. I get offended and sometimes take things too personally. I hate that not everyone is as kind and accepting and compassionate as I strive to be every day.
  6. I’m all mush under my tough exterior. I definitely have walls. I’ve built them to protect the huge heart that I have underneath it all. It took getting hurt over and over to make them. When you are continually wounded by people who are supposed to love you, it gives you calluses on your soul. Still, despite that, I’m all softness when you get down to my core.
  7. I fall way too hard. I mean this specifically in my romantic life. I try to remain cautious and go slowly, but when I actually like someone, I have a difficult time holding back. It takes me so long to meet anyone I feel accepts and likes me for who I am. When I do, I get really excited and catch feelings very quickly. It usually doesn’t work out in my favor.
  8. I care too much about the opinions of others. I try not to care, but I do anyway. I think I’m a pretty likable person and I try to get along with everyone, so when someone doesn’t like me, it confuses me. I shouldn’t worry about it—life is too short. Not everyone will like me and that’s a guarantee. I’m just so sensitive that I can’t help it.
  9. I want to make everyone happy. Again, this is impossible, but I sure try. I would like to make as many people smile as I possibly can. I want those around me to feel good because it makes me feel good too! I strive to be a person who brings positivity into the world. The problem is that sometimes I end up causing myself a lot of stress over it.
  10. It’s hard to remember that the reactions of others aren’t my fault. Logically, I know that the reactions of others have nothing to do with me and everything to do with what is going on with them. I know that I can’t control them. At the same time, it drives my huge heart crazy. I want people to feel safe and loved, and sometimes I can’t control that.
  11. I get really upset over injustice in the world. There’s so much of it and no way I can make it stop. I have a hard time even reading or watching basic news, let alone delving in deeply. I want to know what’s going on, but at the same time, it makes me sad that the world is so ugly. I feel frustrated by it and I want to save everyone. It makes me cry.
  12. I feel so useless a lot of the time. I do volunteer and try to be as kind as possible in general because it feels good to help people and try to make a difference. Still, the scope of all the problems that so many face on a daily basis really saddens me. I feel very grateful to have the life I do, but I also want to do more to aid others. It can be paralyzing to see how much needs to be done.
  13. I despair of ever making a difference. It’s difficult not to feel small in the face of everything. I care so much that it literally hurts me to think about all the pain and suffering in the world. I may not be actually experiencing it myself, but I definitely think about it all the time. I can’t help it – that’s just the way I’m wired.
  14. I worry a lot. I’m a natural worrier—I have a lot of anxious energy and unfortunately, that gets funneled into worrying about things. I wouldn’t change the fact that I care, but I know there are more productive ways of showing it than worrying, which really gets me nowhere. It’s useless so I’m trying to train myself to act positively instead of sitting around worrying passively.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.