My BFF and I were tired of the typical girls’ night spots, so we made a reservation at the new ax throwing bar that opened up in our neighborhood. I locked eyes with a hot guy with some serious ax throwing skills and we’ve been dating ever since. From sky-diving simulations to rock climbing, every date has been filled with non-stop adventure. It sounds cool, but I might die of exhaustion, you guys.
I should’ve known the night we met that he had way more energy than I could handle.
I wasn’t naïve enough to think I’d meet my future husband at an ax-throwing bar, but at the very least my BFF and I would have some laughs. I saw my guy a few lanes down, sipping on an IPA between throws. We locked eyes, then he promptly threw his ax and hit the target. It reminded me a little of something Gaston would do in Beauty and the Beast. I can handle a Gaston-type, right? Maybe?
We left the bar on his motorcycle.
This was equal parts sexy and terrifying. I could feel my mom giving me the judgmental eye from a hundred miles away. I’ve always imaged myself looking cool AF on the back of a motorcycle with my hair blowing in the wind as I clutched the chiseled abs of the sexy man in front of me. It was nothing like that. My hair kept getting stuck in my lip gloss and whipping me in the face and I felt his abs but was holding on for dear life. I’ll stick to four wheels and an airbag, thank you.
Our first real date was lunch and a rock climb.
I love the idea of a daytime date because you get to spend more time together without the fear of drinking too much wine and embarrassing yourself. His daytime dates are nothing like this. As I was dangling from a rope 40 feet off the ground, I realized that this could definitely be more embarrassing than slipping on the floor after shower sex or throwing up in his car after downing a bottle of wine. Whatever happened to all-you-can-drink brunches?
To be honest, I’m kind of impressed by his energy.
You know in movies when a guy literally sweeps a girl off of her feet for no reason to kiss her? HE DOES THIS. His head pops off the pillow each morning like he just won the lottery. Just like every motivational meme on Facebook preaches, he lives each day like it’s his last. It’s pretty impressive, if not slightly annoying.
I’ve learned that I’m pretty out of shape.
I thought that going to the gym three days a week meant that I was active. Nope. The treadmill doesn’t prepare you for a steep hike and 30 minutes on the rowing machine won’t make you qualified for four hours on a kayak. The amazing thing is that he doesn’t have a gym membership. His bulging muscles were literally sculpted by nature.
I feel like I’m always holding him back.
He’s always 100 yards ahead of me and I’m constantly moaning, “I’m tryingggg” like a bratty 6-year-old. He’s motivating and sweet, but I can’t help but feel like a sloth chasing after a jaguar, stopping for snacks along the way.
I miss my sweatpants and I’m so behind on Grey’s Anatomy.
Sometimes I lie to him about having plans with other people just so I can sit at home in my sweatpants and eat Chinese food in bed. I’m not even ashamed to say it. I’m so behind on Grey’s Anatomy that I don’t even know which characters have been killed off by horribly tragic means.
I’m afraid he’ll dump me if I don’t keep this up.
Believe me, the words “I can’t keep this up” have been at the tip of my tongue for weeks, but I’m worried that it would be a deal breaker for him. It’s important for couples to have different hobbies in a relationship, but this is more than a hobby to him – it’s a lifestyle.
If he makes me go camping, I’ll definitely dump him first.
Bears look at me like a tasty snack when I visit them at the zoo. If I sleep in a slightly awkward position in bed, I can’t move my neck more than 10 degrees the next morning. Most importantly, I’m terrified of spiders. For all of these reasons and more, I will not be camping ever in my life. I can handle the treacherous hikes and arm numbing kayaking trips, but the moment he utters the word “camping,” it’s over.