I Love My Boyfriend But His Mother Is Awful

My current boyfriend is wonderful. He’s kind, thoughtful, and basically the polar opposite of every jerk that came before him. Unfortunately, I don’t love his mom quite as much—in fact, I can’t stand her and it’s becoming a serious problem in our relationship.

1. She was my best friend in the beginning. I met my boyfriend’s family early on and they took me in like I was one of their own, including his mom. We got along particularly well and she always wanted to hang out, which I thought was sweet. At the time, I wanted nothing more than to be accepted by his family so it felt amazing to know his mom really liked me. I hated it when my boyfriend badmouthed her, but I soon realized he was doing so for a reason.
2. She only liked me so much because she’d alienated all her other friends. After about two months, I figured out that she only wanted to hang with me 24/7 because she had no other friends in her life. I started to see why soon after. Every word she spoke was negative and she talked crap about anyone and everyone. I thought graduating college meant I’d left the drama behind but I was so wrong. My boyfriend’s mom is probably the most dramatic person I’ve ever met.
3. She always has something to complain about. I’ve never had a conversation with her that had a positive ending. She complains to my boyfriend about me and to me about him constantly. We’re grown adults and what we do with our lives isn’t really any of her business but she loves to get involved. Nothing ever pleases her and I gave up trying to make her happy a long time ago.
4. I think she’s trying to make me hate my boyfriend’s dad. My boyfriend and his dad are really close, which is great. However, I think she feels threatened by their relationship so she tries to use me to influence my boyfriend’s opinion. You would think his parents were divorced by the way she talks about him, but they’re actually still together and he does everything for her. He pays all the bills and works hard to give her a good life. Nevertheless, she continues to be ungrateful and act like they’re competitors rather than partners. It’s the worst.
5. I’ve never heard her thank anyone for anything. I’ve given her multiple gifts and done a lot for her in the hope of getting her approval but never once has she thanked me for any of it. Even when my boyfriend gives her money, she never thanks him and I think it’s absolutely disgusting. As a self-proclaimed Christian, gratitude is a virtue I would expect her to show but it never happens. She doesn’t appreciate anything. This is just another thing that drives me bonkers about her.
6. She steals from her son. Yes, you read that correctly. There was about a month or so where we were between apartments and lived with his parents, and on numerous occasions she’d come into our room when we were sleeping and steal his food or money. Stealing is dishonest in itself, but stealing from your child is unthinkable. I couldn’t resist saying something to my boyfriend and this was the start of an ongoing argument.
7. She acts like she loves me to my face but talks crap about me when I’m not around. She’s always telling me how great I am for her son and how happy she is that we’re together yet she complains about me constantly to my boyfriend when I’m not around. This infuriates me and I’ve said as much to my boyfriend on multiple occasions. This always causes a fight between us. Every relationship has its issues, but I never would’ve thought his mother would be one of them.
8. She called me an alcoholic when I barely drink. This was my final straw. This accusation was so far-fetched and it was clear she was just looking to start drama. Both my boyfriend and I knew her intent but it pushed me over the edge. I simply couldn’t tolerate her after that. I know my dislike for her affects my boyfriend and our relationship, but I’d hidden my feelings for so long and it was time I stood up for myself.
9. Her behavior is destroying my relationship with my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I argue about her all the time. I know that it’s his mom and he feels obligated to defend her, but I just can’t accept how she treats both of us and he seems way too willing to let it go. She tries to play a part in our relationship that isn’t wanted and it’s impossible to get her to back off without upsetting my boyfriend.
10. I know I need to learn to live with her but it’s a serious struggle. We moved to a new house and I’m beginning to think we didn’t move far enough away. I can’t stand my boyfriend’s mom, but she’s still his mother and I have to learn to deal with her. My boyfriend is the love of my life, but I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with a third party in our relationship. There’s only room for two in this relationship, so she needs to back off.