I Love My Boyfriend, But I Think About Leaving All The Time

I Love My Boyfriend, But I Think About Leaving All The Time ©iStock/BraunS

I’ve been with the same man for over five years now, with the exception of one eight month hiatus two years ago. During this time, we’ve had crazy ups and downs, infidelities and blow out arguments, but we still managed to stick together through it all. We love each other — there’s no way around that. But even though I love him, I think about leaving more often than not.

  1. The love isn’t the same. Our love was great at the beginning, but now, after everything we’ve been through, there’s a mound of resentment that we both hold onto. It’s hard to move past it when neither of us are willing to shovel it out of the way.
  2. I can’t get over certain things. When he cheated on me, I decided to forgive him. He was sorry and I thought he meant it, but even now, two years later, I still wonder where he is if he’s late from work. This lack of trust I have is harder to move past than the infidelity itself.
  3. Love doesn’t always mean in love. I’m starting to believe that you can love someone without being in love with them anymore. And that may be where I am with my boyfriend. He means a great deal to me, but I wonder if it’s enough to sustain the relationship forever.
  4. The grass may actually be greener on the other side. My boyfriend and I have a decent time together, but I often find myself wondering if something better is out there. Someone who I’d have more fun with and connect with on an even deeper level.
  5. I feel like he holds me back. He’s never as excited for my success as I am his and I’ve been told it’s because he doesn’t care either way if I fail. If he’s not lifting me up, he’s holding me down.
  6. We may be too comfortable. We’ve come to a point in the relationship where most of what we do is watch separate TV shows in the same room. I know there’s a level of comfort there, but I find myself missing out on sharing the greatness that life has to offer.
  7. The sex is boring. When we first got together, our sex life was hot af and pretty much constant, and although it’s normal for the sex to die down a bit, we can go months at a time without even kissing each other. It’s alarming, to say the least.
  8. We act like roommates. We sleep next to each other, we eat dinner together, but we do our own thing most of the time. When it comes to the relationship aspect, if you were an outsider looking in, you wouldn’t really see one.
  9. We want different things. He wants to have kids but not get married, I want to get married but not have kids. It seems we can’t agree on a single thing when it comes to our future and when that happens, even the love can’t keep it together.
  10. We don’t always get each other. Understanding your partner, and I mean really ‘getting’ them is very important for a relationship to last. We don’t always have that. Sometimes we’re on the same page but for the most part we’re in different books.
Angelica Bottaro has a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Trent University and an Advanced Diploma in Journalism from Centennial College. She began her career as a freelance writer in 2014, racking up bylines in The Good Men Project, MakeWell, LymeTime, YouQueen, and more. She eventually shifted her focus and began writing about mental health, nutrition, and chronic disease for VeryWell Health.

You can follow her on Facebook or check out her website at AngelicaBottaro.ca. She also posts on Instagram @a.ct._b and Twitter @angiiebee.
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