Love Can Wait — I Need To Sort Myself Out First

Sure, I’m open to falling in love with a great guy one day and building a life with him, but I’m definitely not in any rush to couple up and settle down. I don’t feel my biological clock ticking and the sand isn’t running out in my hourglass. Love can wait because right now, I’m focusing on me. Here’s why:

  1. I’m defining my own sense of self-worth. I’m sick of letting my worth be determined by whether or not I have a boyfriend. My love life shouldn’t reflect my whole life. I want to feel like my life has meaning regardless of my relationship status. I’m done looking to guys to make me feel good about myself. The only way I’m going to realize my worth is to take men out of the equation — at least for a little while.
  2. I have to learn how to be happy on my own. I’m not happily single but I want to be. For a long time, I thought that meeting Mr. Right would make me happy but I finally realized that even the world’s best guy couldn’t fix my internal struggle with happiness. I’m finally figuring out that happiness comes from within and I won’t be ready for a relationship until I’m happy just being single.
  3. I have my own problems to fix. I can’t be worrying about someone else’s needs right now. I need to be concerned with my own life for a while. My life isn’t perfect and I know it never will be, but I do need to figure some things out before I can be ready for a relationship.
  4. I don’t really know who I am. I’m working on it, though. I’m trying to figure out myself so I can also figure out what I want out of life. I have to truly know myself before I can be vulnerable enough to let someone else really know me. I’ve spent enough time wandering around without a clue as to who I am and allowing the men in my life to define me, so I’m taking this time to define myself.
  5. My lifestyle is anything but healthy. I’m learning how to eat right and exercise regularly for the first time in my life. For once, I’m concerned with my health and not just how I look to the opposite sex. I’m improving my lifestyle for me and not so I can get a man. I want to feel good inside and out.
  6. I’m working on my career. There’s more to me than who or if I’m dating. I actually care about my work and I have bigger goals than simply being some man’s wife. I don’t want to focus on someone else’s career while mine takes a back seat. I’m driven and I want to make sure all — and not just one — of my dreams come true.
  7. I’m establishing amazing friendships. Relationships come and go but I want friendships that are going to last forever. I’ve had a lot of failed relationships and I haven’t always had friends to pick me up when I was down. I’ve finally found women who I truly connect with and I don’t want to let them go in order to make time for a man. Someday I’ll be able to juggle both friendships and a relationship, but for right now my girls are the people who truly matter.
  8. I don’t want to need a man. It’s about time I learn how to be independent. I’ve spent my life depending on men and that hasn’t gotten me anywhere. I’m sick of needing someone else. I want to be self-sufficient. Someday I might want a man in my life again, but I’m determined to never need one because I’m strong and I’m learning how to finally be independent.
  9. I need to be selfish for a while. I’ve always been a relationship girl so it feels like my life has always been about loving someone else. I feel like it’s time for me to stop focusing on other people and devote some love and attention to myself. I’m young and this is the only time in my life where I can be selfish — in a good way. For once, my life is going to be about what I want and need rather than the desires of the man in my life.
  10. I don’t want to have any regrets. I don’t want to resent a man because I settled down before I was truly ready. I still have a lot of life to live. I don’t want to give up on any of my life dreams just to have a family. I don’t want having a husband and kids to be my only adventure.
  11. I need to find self-acceptance. If I’m not happy with who I am then I’ll always wonder why a man likes me when I don’t even like myself. Dating is all about confidence, and I’m seriously lacking in that department. I want to not only find out who I am but learn to love the person that I am. Only then will I truly be able to accept the love of someone else.
  12. I need to get my act together. My life is a total mess. Trust me when I say that I’m not in any sort of shape for a relationship right now. I need to focus on myself so that my life can finally be stable. I can’t throw the priority of having a boyfriend into the mix until I can handle what’s already on my plate.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.