I Love A Guy Who Doesn’t Love Me Back & I’m OK About It

I’m harboring some serious feelings for a guy who doesn’t feel the same—I know because he told me straight up that he only sees me as a friend when he found out I wanted more. To be honest, I’m kind of relieved. As much as I like him, I know that a relationship with him would be toxic.

My needs wouldn’t be met. 

No offense to the dude, but he has a lot of issues. This makes it impossible for him to be attentive to others’ needs, including mine. Even when he’s doing “well,” he’s still in a constant struggle. Though I care for him enough to empathize, my own personal issues almost always get put on the backburner if we were together. I like to be consoled and tended to (as most people do), and I know that I just wouldn’t receive that from him if we got together.

It teaches me a better way of dealing with rejection

I’ve dealt with that horrible, debilitating feeling before of loving someone who doesn’t love you back. It sucks, and I’ve definitely dealt with it in some crazy ways in the past. With this guy, I feel very mature and level-headed in regards to how I’m dealing with his rejection of me. I don’t feel hurt or crazy in the way that I have in the past, likely because this dude never led me on and was actually really upfront with his feelings. It’s making things a whole lot easier to process and move on from.

I don’t feel pressured to solve his problems. 

When I’m in a relationship, I’m an incredibly attentive girlfriend. With the state of this guy’s life 24/7, I know that I’d be in a constant state of worry and distress thinking about what’s happening with him when I’m not around. Since I’m just his friend, I’m able to take a step back and know that he’s not my problem and I’m not responsible for everything being OK.

There would be a definite imbalance of taking care of each other. 

I tend to care for others more than I care about myself and I certainly wouldn’t be able to break that bad habit if I got with this guy. It would totally be a one-way street and I know that I would focus all of my attention on him rather than on my own life. That’s not healthy.

My friends and family would be wary of us dating. 

Due to our dynamic, his known past, and the fact that I have very overprotective (and sometimes judgmental) friends and family members, if anything more serious were to ensue between me and this guy, it would most likely raise some eyebrows. Though I don’t base my opinions of people off of what others think and approval doesn’t hold a place of high importance to me anyway, I know I would feel far more at ease in a relationship that all my loved ones were cool with.

It’s protecting me from getting seriously hurt again. 

Because I don’t have romantic expectations, my heart feels pretty protected. I’m much more at ease knowing that we’re only friends and will only ever be friends. It feels good to be sure that I’m not investing so much into our relationship that my heart is going to feel broken in the end.

I don’t see a realistic future with him. 

He’s a good guy at heart, I know that, but he’s not someone I could see really getting himself together enough to be a provider, start a family, or be with me until the end. I’m looking for long-lasting love and this guy just isn’t capable of it.

He has a lot of dark secrets. 

Though he’s fairly open and honest with me, I know that there are a lot of things that he keeps under wraps. In a relationship, I would expect to know everything and anything about each other—that’s just the way I am. I don’t believe in or approve of secrets. I know he has a dark history that he keeps from me, and to be honest, I’m not even sure I’d want to hear about it.

I know I deserve better. 

Despite inevitable self-depreciation, I know that I’m a catch. Maybe it’s because he’s incapable of loving me the way I deserve or maybe it’s just because I’m just not his cup of tea—either way, I know that I deserve strong, unwavering love. I’m not going to get it by putting my faith into somebody who clearly doesn’t give love to me like I do to him.

I’m still at a point where I need to be my first priority. 

My time is largely occupied by learning how to love myself and building a life that I can be proud of. The stress of trying to deal with a person like him—or any guy, really—would interfere with the progress I’m making in my own life. I’m my first priority, and the last thing I need is a guy distracting me from that.

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