Why I Love & Hate Dating Older Men

It’s not that I have anything against dating guys my own age, but I have noticed that I sorta naturally gravitate towards men who are at least a decade older than me. The age difference comes with some advantages but it’s not without some serious downsides too.

Dad bods are where it’s at.

Older men entice me so much because their bodies show their age. Guys with dad bods are packing a little more weight and are healthy but not toned to perfection. Who wants or needs perfection anyway? I’ll choose a soft guy over a chiseled guy any day of the week.

They know exactly what they want.

 This is slightly cliche but it’s so true. I’ve dated men my own age, and while I know a committed relationship is what I want, these guys had no idea if they wanted to continue to be a college frat boy or become a devoted boyfriend and often ended up falling somewhere in between, which sucks for me. Older guys would NEVER (well, not usually anyway). They tend to know what they want and best of all, they’re not afraid to tell you.

They actually know what they’re doing.

Older men = experienced men, and experienced men are a godsend. Have you ever uncomfortably sat there while a 21-year old who can’t grow a beard with untrimmed nails gouged around your private parts and called it pleasurable? Well, let me tell you, it’s no fun—and once you’ve experienced an older guy who probably has more experience than you, you’ll never want to turn back.

They have their own place.

Once I started dating older men, I got to kiss goodbye uncomfortable car hookups and awkwardly hiding in closets when parents unexpectedly came home. Older guys tend to live alone rather than with roommates (or worse, in their parents’ basement), and this isn’t something I’ll ever take for granted.

They’re actually mature. Need I say more?

The first time I dated an older man, I was almost shocked at how childish he made me feel with his maturity. There I was, making a big deal about a small thing while he stayed calm and tried to talk it out. The older guys I’ve dated would almost always handle problems and issues with maturity while my peers were all about mind games and the silent treatment.

Having to explain away the age gap to my friends who just don’t get it kinda sucks.

There have been so many times where I’ve told my friends about an older guy I was dating and they reacted less than enthusiastically. A lot of my friends didn’t get what I saw in a guy who was already done college and got up in the morning and went to the office instead of a lecture. Trying to make the age gap sound better by saying things like, “He’s a young soul!” and “He’s really chill and fun!” almost never worked either.

Older guys can be condescending beyond belief.

Because they’ve lived a few more years of life than I have, older guys are often condescending because they think they know more than me. Whether or not they do, it’s seriously annoying to be constantly belittled in such a fashion to the point that sometimes it makes me never want to date an older guy again.

There are so many moments when it hits me how much younger I am than them.

Either I say something or they do that makes one of us go, “Damn, you’re really young!” or “Holy crap, you’re old AF.” The older guys I’ve dated grew up in a much different time than I did and certain things weren’t as acceptable or normalized as they are today. Somewhere along the way, that was bound to come up and hit us with the reality of how large the age gap really was.

I’m just not old enough for some things and it sucks.

I’m still really young—as in, I can’t even legally drink yet—which means dating older guys is challenging on a whole other front. This one guy I dated was about to go out clubbing with his friends, and when one of his boys asked if he wanted to bring me, he had to reply awkwardly by saying I wasn’t actually old enough to go clubbing yet. I’ll also never forget having to wait outside of the liquor store while he went in and bought us something to drink. Ugh.

I’m in a different stage of my life than most of these guys.

This one’s a bit of a serious issue that has often dissuaded me from dating older men. They’re just in a different place in their lives than I am. I’m young, I’m out with my girls every other night, and I worry about due dates, assignments, and exams. He’s at the office every morning, he worries about paying bills, and he has a Costco membership for God’s sake. It can be hard to find middle ground with someone so different from me.

I’m painfully lacking in wisdom and experience compared to older dudes.

Dating older men has made me realize how much I still have to learn about myself and how the world works. I’m incredibly inexperienced as a young woman, which means older guys are always beyond me when it comes to wisdom and experience. It makes me feel awkward about even being myself sometimes.

Texting with them is the worst.

Older guys cannot for the life of them carry a proper conversation via text. On the phone, they’re great and in person even better. But texting? Kill me now. For example, when they use numbers in place of words (“love u 2” gross!) and when they use the completely wrong emoji for a situation (“sorry to hear about your loss ;)”), it’s mortifying. It’s just a mess.

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