Love & Independence Aren’t Mutually Exclusive—I Want Both

I appreciate the fact that people acknowledge and admire my strength—it took me a long time to get here. On the other hand, it gets old when they assume that being strong means I don’t need anyone or anything. While I can definitely figure out how to manage my way alone, I’m still human and want love.

Strong doesn’t equal emotionless. I still want the same things out of life as anyone else. I can handle myself, sure, but I wouldn’t mind someone coming along for the ride! I have high standards and I think that makes people think that I don’t really want love at all. It’s not true. I’m simply very aware of the kind of love I need.

I’m capable of being alone but that doesn’t mean I want to stay that way forever. Yes, I’m fine rolling solo. I enjoy my alone time, in or out of a relationship. I need a good deal of isolation to recharge and keep myself from getting stressed out. It’s something I do for my own self-care. Still, I would quite enjoy spending some of my time with a special person in a meaningful way.

Sometimes the strongest people need love the most. Maybe I’m strong because I’ve had to be that way. Maybe it wasn’t exactly a choice. Maybe I’m just waiting for the right person who will appreciate the secret softness I hold inside. It’s not like I was born a super strong person. I’m still hoping to find the right fit for me.

I’m tired of having to be a rock all the time. The problem with being a strong person is that others come to assume that you’ll be that way all the time. If you have moments of weakness, pain, struggle—humanity, basically—they become uncomfortable and don’t know what to do. I want someone in my life who is there to hold me up when I need it most.

All of us need support, including me. I love giving to other people and I love being strong for them. I thrive on offering support, help, and compassion. It’s in my nature, but sometimes they forget that I might need the same in return. I would adore having a partner who understands the give-and-take of a mature adult relationship.

Much of my strength is built from the lessons of failed love—now I want the real thing. I’ve had to learn a lot of tough truths along the way as I’ve gone through one relationship after another. I try not to make the same mistake twice but instead, I’ve ended up making new ones. I finally have an idea of what I want and need, and I would like to find it!

I want a guy in my life who appreciates and loves me for my strength. Most of my past boyfriends were either threatened or intimidated by it—I only know this because they told me to my face. The few who weren’t simply were not right for me at all in other ways. Go figure. I’m still holding out for that person who loves me the way I am and finds my strength to be an asset rather than something to suppress.

I refuse to sacrifice my strength for a man’s insecurities and that’s been a problem. Even those who professed to admire it ended up finding it to be a problem eventually. In a way, it’s been a good thing—it keeps me from ending up with the wrong guy forever. I have been single a while now because I’m no longer changing myself to suit a guy’s wishes.

I may be impenetrable on first glance but underneath it all, I’m a bundle of emotions. I am a strong woman because I’ve been through a lot of crap. I’m a total empath inside, full of love and heart and kindness. I try to be the best person I can, and sometimes it gets hard to keep going all alone. I’ll do it because that’s what I do but I’d like some companionship.

Strong people feel things very deeply—we just don’t let them ruin us. I think we become strong because we feel so much—we have to learn to protect ourselves from the world or we will go crazy. I don’t exactly shut down, but I do have to pull a lot of courage from deep down inside to stand up for myself sometimes. My strength is as much a survival instinct as anything, not a lack of need for love.

I get frustrated when people assume I don’t want or need love. I know that anyone who says, “You don’t need a man, you’re fine on your own!” means it as a compliment. I also do know that it’s true—I don’t need a partner. No one does, really, to be honest. It just gets old when they think that I use my strength to drive men away on purpose. That’s not the case at all, but I’m also not going to change myself for love.

All I want is someone who allows me to feel safe enough to relax my guard. I would love to be completely emotionally available and intimate with a guy, but that requires building good communication and a trusting bond. It takes time, and it’s going to require a special person for me to go there. I hope I find him.

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