Love Is Not An Excuse For Compromising Who You Are

Being in a loving relationship can be an amazing experience and a great gift, but sometimes it isn’t treated that way. We have our fears, our excuses, and our commitment issues, and sometimes we hide behind relationships in an effort to protect ourselves from other scary things in the world. We all have our issues, but there’s no justification for taking those issues out on the people we’re dating. Here are some things that love is not an excuse for, no matter what:

  1. It’s not an excuse for controlling people. Just because you love someone and they love you, it doesn’t mean that your opinions matter more than theirs. Loving people includes respecting who they are, and allowing them to remain authentic even when it would make it easier if they’d just do things your way.
  2. It’s not an excuse to ditch your friends. Being in love doesn’t mean that your other relationships no longer matter. Your friend were with you before you met him, and they’ll probably want to be around for whatever happens from here. Just because you’re busy in love doesn’t mean they are, and they might still need you.
  3. It’s not an excuse to lose yourself. Coupling up provides a lot of opportunities for doing things and making choices together, but it doesn’t mean that your individuality and personal tastes no longer matter. Make sure to make time and space for your own life.
  4. Love is not an excuse to let yourself go. If you feel better letting yourself go and lowering your personal standards, then that’s OK, but there’s no reason to give up on healthy living habits just because you’ve locked someone down. In fact, it should be a goal to continue with healthy habits for life. You should be looking after yourself for you, not for some guy’s benefit.
  5. Love is not an excuse for skipping alone time. If you needed alone time before you found love, then you’ll need it when you find love, as well. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean doing everything together — it means bringing the best you to the time you have together.
  6. It’s not an excuse for taking what you have for granted. Just because you find love doesn’t that it’s permanent, and to treat it as such can dull some of its shine. Staying grateful for it will always take you further in life than assuming it’s a given.
  7. Love is not an excuse get too comfortable. Being comfortable in a relationship is important, but being overly comfortable can backfire. Life can surprise you in the same ways once you’ve found love as it can when you’re single as can be.
  8. Love is not an excuse for avoiding your family members. Having prior commitments with the man’s family certainly sounds like a good way of getting out of your own family functions, but think about the cost.
  9. Love is not an excuse for ditching a career. We might make choices or sacrifices at certain points in our lives that involve taking or leaving jobs, but seeing a relationship as an out from work is not generally the right idea. Being financially stable on your own will keep you safe when you don’t know the exact future of a relationship. Plus, you might get bored if you give up on your passions.
  10. Love is not an excuse for thinking you’re done growing. Finding love is not the end point. In some ways, it’s actually a new beginning and it should be honored with respect, which means becoming a better and better version of yourself all the time.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog