Love Isn’t Enough If You’re Not Compatible—Are You?

Loving a guy isn’t a valid reason to stay with him if you’re not actually compatible. You can have feelings for someone who’s all wrong for you — it happens all the time. So how can you tell whether you’re suited or not? Keep your eyes open for these signs that it will never work long-term.

  1. You only have physical chemistry. Sure, you might view physical attraction and chemistry as the gateway to other kinds of chemistry, but sadly, this isn’t always the case. If you’ve been dating for a while and the physical attraction hasn’t led to other things, that’s a bad sign you’re not compatible on deeper, more meaningful levels.
  2. You can’t play fair in a fight. Every couple argues, but how do your arguments end? Do things get resolved, or sort of pushed to the side? If you and your partner have no clue how to sort out your disagreements, that’s a huge red flag that you’re not compatible. You should both be committed to trying to make things work, not making things worse.
  3. You doubt their love. Don’t write off your gut feeling as paranoid—there’s a reason you always doubt that your partner will turn up to dates or doubt what he really feels about you. When he’s out with his friends, you can’t help but fear that he’s going to cheat. Ugh. You probably have those feelings for a reason. Maybe something inside you knows that something’s off with this guy. It’s better to listen now than pay the price later.
  4. You deal with money differently. If one of you is keen on saving money and investing your hard-earned cash but the other is sinking in debt, this will prove problematic, especially when the relationship becomes more serious.
  5. Your jokes create cricket noise. When you make a joke, does your partner get it or look at you as though you farted loudly in public? Having the same sense of humor is really important. If you can’t laugh together, that’s really sad!
  6. Your diets aren’t in sync. It’s not so much your actual diets that can cause problems, but your attitudes surrounding them. Maybe you’re a vegetarian and your partner doesn’t get your choice. Maybe your partner only eats healthy foods and sneers at you when you order a slice of cake for dessert. If you can’t accept each other’s choices, then that’s a huge problem. In addition, if you feel like you’re forced into eating certain things you don’t want to, that can also cause resentment. It shows a lack of respect!
  7. You stash your words. When chatting with your partner, do you feel free to say whatever’s on your mind, no matter how silly it is, or do you hold back because you’re afraid you’ll be ridiculed or disrespected? If you hold back, then you’re not with someone who “gets” and appreciates you.
  8. You’re on different wavelengths. If you’re always calm and collected, but your partner is hyperactive, things might be weird. Same goes for if your partner is laid-back but you’re anxious. This will affect all aspects of your lives and relationship, so there should be at least some common ground.
  9. Your friends are hating on you. If your friends hate your relationship, there might be a reason why. They can’t all be wrong or crazy, right? Trying to keep a relationship going when you don’t have the support of your loved ones is a huge task and it can really make you miserable. It’s not just you and your partner that should be compatible, but your loved ones and him!
  10. You feel down… a lot. It’s crazy to think you should be happy all the time, whether in love or life. It just doesn’t work that way. However, that doesn’t mean you should be in a relationship that makes you feel miserable most of the time. You deserve so much better than that! If you find that you feel down around your boyfriend but you feel great when he’s not around, that’s a huge sign you’re not compatible and can do better.
  11. You don’t see things from each other’s perspective. One of the biggest signs you and your partner aren’t compatible is if you can’t even try to see issues and situations from each other’s perspective. How will your relationship ever work if you’re just going to clash all the time? Better to walk away now than live in a world of pain.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.