Does He Love You Or Does He Just Love Having Sex With You? Here’s How To Tell

Sex can make you feel so close to your partner physically and emotionally, but it doesn’t always mean that you’re actually connected to the guy. In fact, he might be loving the sex more than he’s loving you if he’s doing these things. Maybe he’s a hookup, not your boyfriend, after all.

  1. He buys you a sex toy for your birthday. You really had your eye on that Thomas Sabo ring, but whatevs. It will be so much fun to have a sex toy for your birthday, he says. You’ll get to enjoy it together, he says. Yeah, it seems like sex is the only thing you enjoy together.
  2. He brings sex into other activities. You’re chilling out in front of a movie when he puts his hand in your pants. You’re spending time at the beach together when he says he wants to do you right there. Sex is the third wheel that he’s bringing to every date.
  3. He’s only romantic in the bedroom. When he knows he’s about to get lucky, he tells you how amazing you are and how much he loves spending time with you, but he never says such things when you’re dressed and doing other stuff.
  4. You can’t sleep in at his place. He loves taking you to bed, but you don’t ever actually stay there much after sex. When you wake up the next morning after an amazing session, he’s already out of bed, telling you about what a busy day he has planned but promising to meet up with you again soon. And of course he reminds you not to forget your lipstick on the nightstand.
  5. He’s not responsive when you need him. You’re always there to listen to his stuff, but when you need some help, he doesn’t act like your boyfriend by supporting you or even just listening to why you’re in such a foul mood. You wish your emotional texts got as much attention as the sexy pics you send him.
  6. He wants to sext all the time. At first, all the sexting was a bit of an ego boost. He was so attracted to you that he wanted to flirt all the time. But now it’s like he never gets enough — and you never get a normal, “Hey, how was your day?”conversation out of him.
  7. He only compliments your appearance. You’re sexy AF, you have such amazing legs, he loves how you look in that little dress. He’s always complimenting your appearance and body, but he never actually gives you compliments about your other qualities. A guy who’s interested will notice the beauty of your mind and personality, too, not just your cleavage.
  8. When you invite him out to dinner, he always suggests his place instead. Don’t be fooled into thinking that spending time at his place means he’s taking things to a more serious level. It could be just the opposite. If he’s not spending time with you in public, it could be that he just doesn’t want it to look like you’re an exclusive couple to the world.
  9. He’s not a good texterThe man can win gold at the sexting Olympics, but he really isn’t good with regular texts. He takes ages to reply to your messages, and might even tell you that he prefers chatting in person if he senses you getting annoyed at his behavior. But honestly, a guy who’s in love with you and not just in it for the sex will be itching to call and text you every day, even if there’s nothing important to talk about.
  10. He’s spontaneous in a bad way. You might love how he’s always making last-minute plans because it shows how spontaneous and fun-loving he is, but it could really be that you’re his go-to girl when his other plans fall through. He should be making plans in advance to show you that you’re a priority in his life.
  11. You’re uninvited. He never invites you to work functions, friends’ events or anything like that. And when you ask him about meeting people in his life, he’ll always say that it will happen soon enough. Only it never materializes.
  12. He doesn’t care about the other men in your life. Whenever you mention Bill at the office or your straight friend Liam who’s always keen to grab coffee with you after work, your guy doesn’t even flinch. Although at first you might think it’s good he’s not a crazy possessive guy, you have to wonder why he’s not even curious about the men you regularly interact with. It’s almost like he doesn’t care if you were hooking up with them as long as he gets to have you when he wants you. That’s not cool.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.