My Love Life Was Easy… And Then I Realized I Was Bicurious

Being a bicurious woman is… interesting. Realizing you might be attracted to women when you previously thought you were completely straight is an eye-opening experience, and even though it can lead to amazing things, it can also be frustrating and extremely confusing.

  1. Everyone thinks you just want attention. Maybe some people might even have the balls to say that you’re just saying you might be into girls because it’s “trendy.” A lot of people are completely sure of where they stand on the sexuality spectrum, so when they encounter someone who says they might want to hook up with women sometime, it just doesn’t process for them that you’re telling the truth. The concept of a shy young woman experimenting with a cute brunette isn’t just an adult sex movie fantasy — it’s real life for a lot of awkward bicurious people.
  2. You never know if you have a “girl crush” or a real crush. Most of us can appreciate when someone of the same sex is looking fine, but not all of us want to get down and dirty with that person because of it. When you’re bicurious, you’ll run into more than a few moments when you’re not sure if you’re admiring a woman’s beauty because you want to be her or you want to bang her. It gets a little more clear as time goes on, but you’ll still have lots of moments where you’re not quite sure about how you feel for certain women.
  3. Your sexuality feels all over the place. Some days, the thought of being with another woman is weird to you; other days, it’s all you want. Maybe. You think. When you’re not completely sure if you’re actually bisexual or not, your brain and hormones go a little nuts trying to find out what you really want. You’re fairly sure you’re not completely straight, but anything beyond that is up in the air.
  4. Lesbian sex alternates between sounding awesome and sounding terrifying. Especially when you’re feeling horny, sleeping with a girl sounds like the best. thing. ever. But if it were to actually happen in reality, you’re pretty sure you’d nervous-laugh your way out of the situation. For a lot of bicurious women, sex with another girl is uncharted territory, and much like the prospect of getting on a huge roller coaster, the prospect both thrills you and scares the hell out of you.
  5. You panic when another girl starts hitting on you. At least, you think she’s hitting on you? How can you even tell? What if she’s just being nice? Is this your chance to finally figure out if sleeping with or dating another girl really is your thing? WHAT DO YOU DO? You’re not sure how women who know they’re gay or bisexual actually go through life this way, because your bicurious brain just short-circuited all because a cute girl winked at you.
  6. Your “type” is probably very specific. Lots of people have a certain look that they’re attracted to when it comes to picking a partner, but when you’re bicurious, the number of girls you could actually see yourself hooking up with is probably small. Maybe you’re just into girls with short hair and tattoos, or maybe you’re not open to messing around with anyone who isn’t a blonde. Sometimes your options start to grow as you realize you really are more into girls than you originally thought, but there are lots of bicurious women who really can’t develop crushes on any girl who doesn’t fit a very specific mold they have in mind.
  7. Labeling yourself stresses you out. You’re PRETTY sure you’re bisexual, but since it’s still up in the air, you feel like it wouldn’t be right to actually call yourself that just yet. You know you don’t actually have to date or hook up with a girl to know if you’re attracted to women, but you want to be 100 percent sure that you’re into it before lumping yourself in with all the other people who are out and proud of their bisexuality. Still, saying that you’re “bicurious” just feels so lame sometimes. Who was the jerk who decided we needed to put labels on our sexuality, anyway?
  8. You’re scared of letting down potential partners. It goes without saying that it sucks when you’re getting hot and heavy and your partner decides that they’re not so into you after all. When you’re bicurious, the risk of that happening to someone you’re messing around with goes up significantly. What happens if you enjoy making out with her, but decide that girl-on-girl sex isn’t your thing while you’re in the middle of the act? Obviously you should never do something you’re not comfortable with, but it still sucks knowing that you might end up leaving some girl disappointed for the night.
  9. Whenever you have a LTR with a guy, you worry you’ll never get to experiment. When you’re single, everyone is a potential partner. But if you’re a bicurious woman who gets into yet another long-term relationship with a guy, the thought might cross your head that this is it — your chances of exploring your potential interest in women just completely went out the window. It’s not even about wanting to hook up with other people so much as it is wanting to get to know that side of yourself a bit more before you settle down.
  10. You feel like you’re going through puberty all over again. All those confusing thoughts you had about boys when you were a pre-teen hit you all over again the first time you meet a woman you might be sexually or romantically interested in. It feels like a whole new world has opened up, and you want to explore it. Or at least, you’re pretty sure you do.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.