Love, Lust, Or Lunacy—How To Categorize What You’re Feeling For Him

Ever find yourself wondering what you’re madly in exactly? Is this the real deal or are you just magnetically attracted to them or trapped in a trauma bond? It’s important to accurately for what it is and recognize the signs of a genuine connection… or not. Here are 8 different scenarios for separating what you’re feeling inside into love, lust, or just plain lunacy.

  1. They look good… as long as they don’t talk. This person had your full attention until they opened their mouth. They’re either of way too few words, sound simple and slow, or way too argumentative. This is total lust. The sex is good, and you may have shared some sporadic laughs. But, in general, this person pushes your buttons. They don’t remember what you say and want to turn everything small thing into a heated discussion. You’re OK with spending time with them as long as the actual conversation is kept to a minimum (think movie date). Your general expectations of this person are low. They’re not your go-to for solving your life’s existential crises. You probably ignore/end quite a few of their calls.
  2. You still get excited at the thought of seeing them. Butterflies are real. No matter how long you’ve known someone, that special one will still have you walking around with a cheesy grin plastered on your face. Even when you’re mad, it’s hard to hold onto those negative feelings once you see them in person and are around them. This is love. This person will get on your nerves, but you’ll still have a different type of affection, appreciation, and attraction to them than you do with others.
  3. You’re attracted but have next to nothing to gain. This person does nothing for you and is a constant drain on your energy and a source of stress. Your friends are beyond tired of hearing about the drama between you two. They’re contributing no value to your life and you had so much going for you before you stooped in life for them. Relationships are more than a feeling, but there’s got to be some happiness and you should still be bringing out the good in one another. If not and you’re still holding on, this is lunacy. Just let it go.
  4. You have nothing to hide from this person. This is someone you feel like you can be your true self with. Good or bad, you don’t keep secrets. You also don’t overanalyze embarrassing but normal things like body flaws, having gas, or needing to number two because this person knows you and you keep your interactions real. This is love. Someone who only likes parts of you is just using you for what makes them feel good and comfortable. Your person wants all of you, for better or worse.
  5. You break up and make up more often than you change your toothbrush. Dentists recommend replacing your toothbrush every three to four months. If you’re on/off at this frequency, chances are this union is riddled with toxicity. There’s got to be a point when you two try to figure out healthier ways of conflict resolution other than blocking one another or seeing other people as revenge. More often than not, taking a break just makes things worse. This is lunacy. Start communicating or walk away from this inconsistent mess.
  6. You only think about this person on your downtime. This person isn’t an integral part of your daily life. They’re not on your mind to share exciting news with or get advice/comfort from. This is who pops up in your head when you have no other plans, Bae is getting on your nerves, or you’re single again and free to mingle. This is lust. You know you don’t want a relationship with this person. This is basically a FWB setup.
  7. You’re never happy. Relationships require growth. Like the old chant goes, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage. After that is empty nesting, retirement, travel, being grandparents, etc. But in this scenario, you don’t look forward to the future progression. If you’re just stuck in a dead-end, are endlessly confused about where you stand with someone and what comes next, constantly wonder if you should break up, find yourself low-key kind of hating this person, and frequently hold back your words/feelings just to keep the peace, this is lunacy. You and your soulmate should be reaching new life stages together. It should be a mutually beneficial and expanding partnership.
  8. You like taking pics, but your quality bonding time is boring. You may have started off going on real dates. Now all you do is watch movies or lay up in the house. Conversation falls flat and you can never decide what to eat or do. You’re not even married, and everything is so routine. But you look good together and love showing off on social media. This is lust. There’s no substance for a real connection here.
I’m Cara, not to be confused with Carrie, although you could say I’m a Millennial Bradshaw of sorts. Pop culture connoisseur. Lover of all things creative and passionate about health and personal well-being. Follow me on IG @cara_vale_writer