13 Signs You Deserve More Than The Love You Have

You might love each other and want things to work out, but is that really enough? It takes more than sheer will to have a successful, healthy long-term relationship—a lot more, actually. If these 13 things are happening in your relationship, then you’re with the wrong person and you’re not getting the love you actually deserve.

  1. You censor yourself. You can’t be yourself around your partner, not 100%. You’re always biting your tongue before saying what you truly feel, or trying to be what they want. You should be with someone who loves you for you, not who you pretend to be.
  2. Your partner doesn’t give you the right support. Anyone can give you a shoulder to cry on when you’re having a bad day, but what do they do when you’re having the best day of your life? Some partners who don’t do you justice will be there for you when you’re having a horrible time, but then they behave jealously when you get a promotion at work. That’s fake.
  3. You’re the only one carrying a flag for your partner. No one else in your life likes your partner, and they’re generally logical and sane people. If you’re the only one who sees any good traits in your S.O., that’s a huge sign that something is wrong. You might be building them up even though they’re toxic and won’t give you what you really deserve.
  4. You’re accepting fatal flaws. Your partner might be a fantastic one except for one or two fatal flaws. Still, if they’re big enough, they can cause you to be unhappy so ask yourself if it’s worth staying with someone who gives you major doubts. It’s probably not since those doubts will just get bigger with time.
  5. You’re not satisfied in the bedroom. You might not think sex is a biggie and you’d be right—there are more important things in a relationship. However, why deny yourself pleasure? If your partner never really considers what you want in the bedroom because he’s selfish, that’s not just denying yourself pleasure, it also risks making the rest of your relationship unbalanced. Selfishness in the bedroom leads to selfishness outside of it…
  6. You’re focused on the fairytale. You want to have a perfect relationship so badly that you try to keep the peace as much as possible or ignore anything that’s wrong with your relationship. The problem is that issues can build up and become worse, causing rifts in your relationship. If you’re not enjoying the reality of your relationship, something’s wrong. You’re probably not getting what you need from the relationship.
  7. You don’t feel beautiful around your partner. When was the last time you got all dressed up for a date with your partner and he gave you a sexy look or told you how amazing you looked? If you can’t remember, that’s a problem. You should feel valued and loved.
  8. He’s different around your friends. If your partner seems like a much nicer, more charming, guy around your friends than around you, that’s not good. Clearly he doesn’t treat you with as much respect or kindness. He takes you for granted, thinking he can treat you in any way he likes and you’ll still be there.
  9.  You’re not sure what’s going on. One of the worst things that can happen in a relationship is when you feel like you don’t really know where you stand. Sure, your partner has chosen to date you and he seems happy with this choice for the most part, but he’s never actually moving the relationship forward. He doesn’t want to talk about the future or he leaves you hanging when you text him. It sucks. It’s hard to enjoy a relationship if there’s no security in it.
  10. He doesn’t know those two important words. When last did your partner say “I’m sorry”? If you can’t remember or it’s never actually happened even though you’re always the one apologizing after arguments, it’s clear that you’re putting in much more effort than they are. That’s not fair.
  11. You’re always first. If you don’t text or call your partner, they won’t do it. You’re always the one who has to initiate everything and it’s not right. After a while of being on the receiving end of your partner’s laziness, you’ll start to resent them. You should be with someone who makes you as much of a priority as you make them.
  12. You make excuses for him. Your friend tells you that your boyfriend isn’t that great to you and you say, “But he’s not as bad as other guys” or “he has some good traits.” It’s almost like you’re saying, “Well, he’s OK and I’ll put up with it.” You deserve so much more than an average relationship!
  13. You lack confidence. Maybe you don’t feel good enough to be with your partner. Or maybe your partner always makes you feel like you’re doing everything wrong. Clearly the problem is with your partner, not you. You’re settling for a relationship that doesn’t uplift you, and what’s the point? You should feel confident and kickass around the person you’re dating. If not, then you deserve better.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.