Why Loving Yourself First Really Is The Best Relationship Advice

Self-confidence can be a tricky thing. There’s a fine line between being comfortable with who you are and bragging about all your accomplishments. The former is cool, the latter will definitely annoy all your friends. It’s just not possible to navigate the waters of love and dating without being confident. Okay, it’s possible – but you’re going to have a horrible time and hate every minute of it. You’ve heard the saying a million times: before someone else can love you, you need to love yourself. When you stop and think about it, it’s completely true, and probably the best relationship advice you’ve ever been given.

  1. Loving yourself is step #1 in the game of love. Before you get sick of being single, you have to enjoy the time you’re spending alone. Create a full life for yourself and don’t get hung up on your solo status. Who sounds more dateable, a girl who’s crying her eyes out because she hates being alone, or a girl who’s so cool she doesn’t need a guy at all?
  2. Insecurity creates problems where there are none. There are some girls who are obsessed with other girls staying away from their boyfriends and are always convinced he’s about to cheat on them. Then there are other girls who barely bat an eyelash when their guy talks to another girl at a party. The difference? It’s all about how insecure you are. If you’re not cool with who you are or your situation in life, you’re going to act like a chaotic person and your relationship won’t last because your boyfriend will wonder why you’re always questioning things.
  3. Confidence attracts confidence. Think about the cutest couples you know. They fell for each other and were okay with admitting it because they were confident about themselves and about their ability to sustain a relationship. If your past relationships have been more wishy-washy than super committed, it’s probably because you’re not 100 percent comfy with who you are, and the other person could sense it.
  4. Unhappy people find each other. So many people stay in loveless relationships where they’re both totally miserable. Chances are, they were like that even before they met each other, because happy and secure people don’t stay in crappy situations. If you’re not coming from a place of self-love, you’re going to end up with a bunch of jerks.
  5. If you hate yourself, it will show. Always wanting to lose those elusive last five pounds, complaining about your junk food diet, wallowing over an ex – if your conversations with your friends revolve around these sad topics, it will become all too obvious how you truly feel about yourself. Don’t be that person. Stop the negativity.
  6. If you don’t love yourself, everything will become confusing. You’ll analyze every date and wonder if you talked too much or if you should send a text. If you like who you are, these questions won’t even exist because you’ll listen to your heart and follow your gut and do whatever you want. You’ll know that you’re a catch and eventually someone will realize it, too, so why worry?
  7. Someone else can’t do the work for you. Expecting a guy to waltz into your life like a prince in a fairy tale and make everything better is not only lousy, it’s ridiculous. What would he even have to do to make you like yourself? Bring you flowers and candy every day and always tell you you’re beautiful? That’s just not real life. No one is going to do that for you.
  8. Your sense of self-worth and beauty should never be about a guy. Of course we want another sex to find us attractive, and physical chemistry is a super important part of any emerging relationship. But what one guy is into, the next one is bored by, so it would be nuts to change your physical looks according to whatever guy you happen to be dating – not to mention anti-feminist. Work out because you want to, wear your hair however you want, dress in the style that suits you and move on.
  9. Chasing compliments is a viscous cycle. If you only feel pretty if a guy tells you that you are, you’re going to be like a drug abuser always looking for your next fix. It’s not a sustainable system and you’ll never be happy. Compliment yourself every single morning in the mirror and you’ll be much better off.
  10. You can’t escape yourself. Like it or not, you’re the only person you’re ever going to be. It’s your life, your body, your mind. So you might as well fall in love with yourself and when someone else does, too, you’ll always believe them. Because, well, you’re pretty awesome.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.