Loving You Nearly Destroyed Me — But Somehow I Managed To Put Myself Together Again

Falling in love with you was like a fairytale… until it turned into a nightmare. Falling in and out of love with you nearly destroyed me. You broke my heart completely but luckily, I was strong enough to put myself back together again. Here’s how:

  1. I decided that I didn’t want to be with a man who didn’t really love me. At first, I couldn’t accept that you had fallen out of love with me. I didn’t think that was possible, but then I thought all I had to do was remind you of that love. In the end, though, I finally came to the conclusion that if you said you didn’t really love me, I wasn’t going to waste any more time on an unrequited love.
  2. I knew I deserved better. I deserved to be treated right. It might have taken me a long time to realize that, but at least realized it eventually. I thought that love always came with pain, but I shouldn’t have had to endure that much. I deserve to be treated right, and I finally realized that I shouldn’t have to ask a man to love and respect me. That should just be a given.
  3. I accepted the fact that people change. Loving you was amazing… until it wasn’t. You were a great boyfriend… until you weren’t. Over the course of our relationship, you changed from the amazing boy I fell in love with to just another player. I was in love with who you used to be and eventually I had to accept the fact that the old you was never coming back.
  4. I realized that I didn’t need you. I thought I did. I thought I couldn’t live without you and that’s exactly how I almost let you destroy me. It took a lot of strength to remember that if I didn’t need you before we met, I don’t need you now either.
  5. I found happiness on my own. I thought that I could never get over you. I believed that I would spend the rest of my life being heartbroken and miserable. I allowed myself to think that you were the only thing that could ever make me happy. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that you didn’t make me happy. I was happy on my own before I met you, and even though losing you was miserable, I finally found that single life happiness again.
  6. I discovered that people don’t always keep their promises… Even the people we love. I spent so much time obsessing over the promises you’d made to love me forever, to marry me, to raise children and finally to grow old together. I thought promises were sacred, but I finally realized that people don’t always mean what they say — and even if they do, they can always change their mind.
  7. I embraced my freedom. For a long time, I let our relationship dictate my decisions. When we broke up, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I feared the unknown until one day I decided to embrace it. I stopped looking at the blank pages of my life in terror and started looking at them as amazing possibilities. I was finally free of you and that was exciting, not scary.
  8. I realized that there was more to my life than you. I was more than just your girlfriend. I had so much more going for and so much more to live for. You weren’t my life’s purpose. I was more than just one-half of a relationship. I had a whole life outside of our relationship, and it felt so good to finally get back to it.
  9. I got my confidence back. Losing you was the worst rejection I had ever felt. I allowed that rejection to eat away at me. I let it convince me that if I wasn’t worthy of you then I wasn’t worthy of love at all. It took some time, but soon enough that bottom of the barrel confidence level started to rise because at the end of it all, I couldn’t forget that I’m a catch and it was your loss.
  10. I remembered who I was before I met you. I was so wrapped up in our relationship that I let it swallow my identity whole. Loving you made me lose myself. Day by day as I could feel you falling out of love with me, I loved myself less and less too. I hated myself for the fact that you didn’t love me. I tried to be the girl you would want rather the girl at I am. As soon as I quit trying to change myself for you, I started to fall back in love with the girl I used to be and the girl I finally am again.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has been blogging for over four years and writing her whole life. Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. She enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.