How Loving Yourself Transforms The Way You Love Others

How Loving Yourself Transforms The Way You Love Others ©iStock/g-stockstudio

“You have to love yourself before you can truly love anyone else.” The old adage sounds like BS if you don’t understand what it means. Here’s how loving yourself transforms your entire perspective on love in general and how you give it:

  1. You value yourself, so you value everyone else more. When you have a strong, happy foundation, you have more love to give. Sadness, depression and insecurity are all very self-focused and keep you turned inward. When you let go and get outside of yourself, you can use that energy to spread joy to other people. The value of life in general greatly increases in your mind, so you have more respect for other lives as well as your own.
  2. You understand life that much better. It’s all about perspective and priorities. When your perspective shifts from negative to positive, then your priorities shift from your own happiness to the happiness of others. You begin to understand that your own true joy will come from caring for the beings around you. The more you do so, the better you feel. It’s a lovely cycle that motivates you to continue in the same vein!
  3. You’re able to give without demanding. Now that you understand that love is not about conditions and demands, you can give it truly and willingly. It’s no longer about what you get back and how someone else makes you feel. It’s about how you can give to them and how that, in turn, brings you happiness. True, pure love is humble and unconditional. It’s difficult to master the art of loving this way, but learning to love yourself is a great place to start.
  4. You’re secure in yourself, so you can be secure with others. With insecurity comes neediness, dissatisfaction, and unhappiness. You can’t expect someone else to give you all the things you aren’t fulfilling for yourself. They will never be able to heal those voids for you. When you learn to love yourself and treat yourself well, then you end up treating others well. When you’re confident and secure, you can spread love joyfully with no expectations.
  5. Love becomes about them, not you. It turns into what you can do for another person instead of what they can do for you. It’s so easy to be selfish and demanding when what we all really should do is learn generosity and kindness. Think about how lovely the world could be if everyone behaved with compassion and extended love to every single person they saw. It could be a very happy, lovely place. Loving yourself means that you can love everyone else as well.
  6. Because you’re kinder to yourself, you are kinder to everyone. If you can’t show yourself love, really, you can’t show it to anyone else. You may think you’re loving them, but there will always be some sort of attachment involved. It’s pretty impossible to engage in pure love for another without first bestowing it on yourself. It’s not selfish because it then allows you to give that love elsewhere! You’re actually doing everyone around you a great service by taking the time to care for your own heart and soul.
  7. Your life becomes joyful and you want to share that. Knowing the difference that self-love brings gives you incentive to help others learn to love themselves as well. You don’t want anyone else living in the pain that you once did. It’s your own enlightenment that inspires you to take on the cause of spreading love far and wide. Let others think you’re a crazy, cheesy hippie! Once they love themselves, they will totally understand where you’re coming from.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at