My Low Libido Is Putting A Strain On My Relationship

Lately, I’ve kind of lost that lovin’ feeling when it comes to activity in the bedroom. I WANT to want sex, it’s just not something I’m super interested in actually doing lately. My boyfriend is super patient, but my lack of interest is definitely starting to take a toll on my relationship and my life.

1. I’m wicked stressed out and that’s so not sexy. Work is busy, home responsibilities are looming, and this winter felt like it was never going to end. My stress levels are maxed out lately and they don’t leave much room for sexy feelings to spring up. It’s hard to get super turned on when I’m stressing about that student loan bill that’s due next week.
2. My partner doesn’t feel wanted and that sucks.He’s starting to take it personally and it’s hard to blame him. My BF isn’t used to this, and for good reason. He’s sweet, scruffy, and movie-star-handsome in a way that makes old ladies and ‘tween girls develop cute crushes. Plus, he’s fantastic in bed. He absolutely deserves to feel wanted sexually and I feel terrible that I’m not giving that to him.
3. I get stressed about being stressed and it creates a cycle.I was alreadydealing with the stressthat led to this problem in the first place. Now it’s become an even bigger problem because I’m having anxiety about that too! Stress creates stress creates stress. I’m caught in a sad, sexless spiral. It’s making me super grumpy and not feeling like myself.
4. I’m fighting with my boyfriend more.It’s hard to admit, but I’m totally taking my bad mood out on my boyfriend sometimes and that sucks. I’m trying hard not to be a raging bitch all the time, but I’m honestly just on edge and cranky AF lately. Between the drop in intimacy and me acting like a ball of anxiety most of the time, it’s a recipe for domestic turbulence.
5. I’m eating my feelings and ugh, it’s getting bad.Sex is great and all, but when was the last time you had nachos? Or Kentucky Fried Chicken? Or raw cookie dough? This is going to be a disaster if something doesn’t give soon, both for my health and my waistline. I can’t afford to buy new clothes right now and yoga pants are unfortunately not appropriate for every occasion.
6. It’s not him, it’s me.It’s hard to turn someone down for sex over and over again and still manage to convince them that it’s truly all because of me. My boyfriend wants to believe me, but rejection stings and it’s difficult for him to remember sometimes. He doesn’t process outside stressors the same way as me, and he has a hard time relating to my feelings on an emotional level.
7. I’m really missing the intimacy factor.Even though I don’t feel like having anybody touch my most sensitive parts, I miss the intimacythat comes with having regular sex. It feels good to be wanted and the post-orgasm haze is just the best. I’m missing out on that and I’m definitely feeling the effects.
8. We aren’t sleeping as well.What sets a girl up for a peaceful night of beauty sleep like a good bedtime sex romp? Nothing, it turns out. Melatonin, lavender, screen-free evenings—none of it is the same. It’s proven thatsex helps to promote a good night’s sleepand I could seriously use some of that. Plus, have I mentioned the pervasive crankiness? Sleeping like crap certainly isn’t helping either of us.
9. It’s affecting our confidence levels.There’s nothing like the feeling of knowing you just rocked someone’s world. Not getting my groove on is definitely starting to affect my self-confidence. Is something wrong with me? Am I defective? Will this pass or will I be super stressed and sexless forever? I know that my patient-yet-frustrated BF is dealing with similar feelings.
10. It’s harder to get aroused.It turns out that an unfortunate side effect of not getting laid is that it can actually cause your sex drive to decrease even further. Not having sex tells your body to stop producing the hormones that make you want to get it on in the first place. So, a side effect of not wanting sex is basically not wanting to have sex. WTF??
11. Our immune systems are caught in the fray.Another super not-fun side effect of a life without sex: a weakened immune system. My guy works in a car dealership and my school-aged daughters are essentially walking respiratory viruses this time of year. It’s flu season, y’all; we need every leg up that we can get.