I’m Low Maintenance & Totally Chill & I’m Pretty Sure That’s Why I’m Still Single

Loads of guys say they want a low maintenance girl, but in my experience, when they actually get one, they don’t know what to do with us. Here are just some reasons being low maintenance has hurt my dating game and my love life in general.

Some guys think it’s a trap. When I say I don’t care where we go to dinner, I really don’t care. Because men have been trained to think that no means yes and “I’m fine” means “clearly everything is not fine,” they assume that every time I say how I’m actually feeling, it’s a trap and they overanalyze every word that comes out of my mouth.

When I say something, I mean it. This can be rather confusing for most men. I’m over the Jedi mind trick of dating where what I say isn’t what I actually mean. It’s difficult to untrain this behavior and men shouldn’t be busting brain vessels trying to figure this out.

Being low maintenance can be misconstrued as not putting in any effort. My idea of a perfect date is ordering food and watching TV until we pass out on the couch. Much simpler (and cheaper) than going to a fancy restaurant where I’m nervous and confused as to why there are so many utensils for such tiny, expensive food. Showing some effort doesn’t always have to mean throwing money at things that don’t matter—just saying, “Those sweatpants make your butt look great!” is good enough for me (and yes, I know it’s a lie, but it’s still a nice one).

Guys don’t pick up on when I’m flirting. Okay, I’ll be honest I suck at flirting in general. I don’t know how to act like a normal human. But because my typical vibe is chill and being pretty open to whatever, it makes it difficult to portray to a potential love interest that I’m actually interested in said person and maybe want to date them at some point, which really hurts my dating game.

Having a fiery, passionate romance isn’t really my thing. I never really understood how people get off on having a huge fight with their significant other. That’s so much wasted energy and drama. Feeling completely comfortable with someone is where it’s at, but some guys think I don’t care if because I don’t put on theatrics. I don’t have to be putting on a show to tell someone how I’m feeling.

It can put me into bro territory really quick. Because my definition of a date is eating food, sitting on the couch, and maybe having a beer, it puts me into the friend zone real damn quick. Most guys are clueless to the fact that I might be interested in them (mostly to the fact that I can’t flirt). So unless they need to pick me up, get dressed nicely and at the end pay a giant bill, they might not even consider me as a dating option.

I’m not hard to figure out. Which also means there’s absolutely no excuse for my BF to forget something important. Some girls might get mad if their guy doesn’t notice if they got a trim. I wouldn’t be too happy if he forgot my coffee order (literally just coffee with some cream—not that hard to remember). It isn’t a full sentence that he has to say at Starbucks, just two ingredients. Just the tiniest bit of effort goes a long way with me.

I’ve been taken for granted. When I’m actually in a relationship, I’m not that hard to figure out. Basically, if I’m fed, I’ll be okay—the same rules that apply when taking care of a baby also apply to me. But because I’m so laid-back, some men don’t realize how good they have it with me. No effort is put into the relationship and can easily go downhill from there.

I’ve actually been told I’m boring. Because there’s no heated passion or cheesy romantic dates when I’m in a relationship, a routine quickly forms. We slip into the “old married couple” mold months before we should, which sounds lovely to me but to others it means the relationship all of a sudden needs to be “spiced up.” That phrase just makes me think of sriracha and spicy tuna poke bowls if I’m honest, not something that should apply to a relationship. It becomes a chore to “fix” the relationship and as we all know chores are boring.

Being in a relationship isn’t the only thing in my world. Let’s be honest, I have better things to do than obsess over a new guy I’m seeing and whether or not he’s texting me or if he’s thinking about me 24/7. I’m a busy woman! Some guys have found this trait comforting, but others have thought that I wasn’t that into them or that they did something wrong. I just want someone that can binge a whole season on Netflix in one sitting while we split a whole pizza, is that too much to ask?

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