I love having sex, I have a very healthy libido, and I enjoy pretty much every aspect of sexual intimacy. That being said, I made my long-time boyfriend wait two months before we slept together for the first time. Upon hearing that, a lot of people assume that I’m a prude, but that couldn’t be further from the truth—I’m just smart.
- I didn’t really know him yet. At the risk of seeming like a hypocrite, I should be upfront here: I’ve hooked up with guys that I’ve known for, uh, an hour? Most of us have had our share of one-night stands and there’s nothing wrong with that. Still, I wanted to DATE this guy. My previous hookups were always going to be short-term, strictly physical interactions. So while there’s nothing wrong with sleeping (SAFELY) with people you don’t really know, this wasn’t one of those situations.
- I wanted to get to know him, and that takes time. I knew right off the bat that I was really into this guy. It was almost scary in the sense that I developed strong feelings almost instantaneously. In my gut, I knew I wanted to keep him around, so I really wanted to get to know him before we slept together. Turns out, taking our time really paid off when we DID eventually start having sex.
- I’d just come out of a relationship where I got screwed over. Literally weeks before I met my now-boyfriend, I was ghosted by a total player and, I’m embarrassed to admit, it kind of hurt. I was half sad, half annoyed at myself that I was allowing that sleazeball to get me down and needless to say, my guard was SERIOUSLY up. This new guy was obviously different than the last, but I was still taking every precaution to protect myself.
- From a practical standpoint, I was switching birth control. Emotional hesitations and beliefs aside, it really wasn’t a great time to be having sex. I was switching from one birth control to another, and it would take a solid month for the new hormones to be safely in my system. Yes, we could have used a condom, but my anxiety over an unplanned pregnancy made this singular precaution not nearly enough. If you know there’s some kind of elevated risk, don’t take the chance just because you think you’re “supposed to” be having sex by now.
- We were doing ~other~ things. There are other things you can do except for vaginal intercourse and, yeah, we did those things. Truthfully, he was so amazing in these other areas that it made for a very fun two months. Neither of us felt like we were “missing out” on anything at all.
- Moving too fast ruined my previous relationships. It sounds cliche, but my prior experience when it came to sleeping with boyfriends right away wasn’t so great. Your experience might be different, but mine definitely was suggesting that I should try waiting until a few dates in. That, coupled with the birth control situation, just made sense to wait a little longer.
- I didn’t want to be played. We met through a club on our college campus. I was a freshman and he was a popular sophomore. Although I knew deep down that he wasn’t like the guys I’d been with in the past, I was nervous that he was trying to get me in bed for bragging rights. It sounds terrible but it’s not the most implausible fear, right? I didn’t want to be THAT freshman girl, so I really wanted to screen this guy and make sure I wasn’t being bamboozled. (Spoiler alert: I wasn’t being bamboozled.)
- Waiting didn’t make the sex any less amazing. In fact, it probably made it better because we basically had two months of incredible foreplay leading up to the big moment. Plus, we knew each other pretty well at that point, so it wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable like it could have been. We were able to bring emotion into it, have fun, and really make it a great first time together.
- Bottom line: you can sleep with someone at your own pace. If you want to sleep with someone right away, do it! It doesn’t make you promiscuous (another word we should discard forever) if you feel the urge to have safe sex with someone you’re attracted to. On the other hand, it doesn’t make you any kind of “prude” to wait to have sex, whether that’s for a few weeks or until marriage. The great thing about it is that it’s your choice, not anyone else’s when you decide to have sex and no one can judge you for that.