My boyfriend and I started dating during my senior year of high school and we didn’t kiss until a year after our first date. I know that sounds a little bit crazy but I don’t regret a thing, especially since he’s now my husband.
- I wanted him to be sure. Before we even started, dating we had a conversation about relationships. It was for this awful class called “Marriage, Family, and Dating” where he argued for saving his first kiss until marriage. That was a little extreme even for me, but when we started dating and he leaned in for a kiss, that’s the first thing I thought of. I didn’t want to be the girl who ruined his ideal first kiss, especially if we didn’t last.
- I’d been burned before. It wasn’t just him I was worried about. A few years before I started dating him, I’d had my first real boyfriend who was head-over-heels in love with me and planning our future within two days. I was thrilled with the attention and desperate to have the high school dating experience that I saw in movies and heard about from my friends. But this guy moved way too fast, talking me into far too many uncomfortable experiences. I became almost obsessed with him, making out in parks and behind the school lockers. I didn’t want to recreate that scenario.
- I wasn’t sure I even liked kissing. My ex was one of those boys who liked to jab his tongue between my lips when I was going for a quick peck. When I think back to memories of kissing him, my thoughts were mostly just “ew” and “what am I supposed to do here?” I think you get the point.
- I didn’t think we would last. I used to move every year or two. I’ve lost a lot of friends and I’m far too used to being forgotten or replaced. My boyfriend and I started dating during our senior year and we agreed not to choose colleges based on where the other would be. We were gearing up for four years of long distance, and I didn’t think there was any way we would last.
- I was worried about other people’s expectations. I grew up in a fairly conservative Christian household, and although my parents were by no means strict about relationships, I’d somehow grown up with this idea that you’re supposed to marry the first guy you date. I had no sense of casual dating and I was stuck in a fairytale world where I was this perfect goody-two-shoes who did nothing scandalous. Ever.
- He was my friend’s little brother. His older sister was one of my closest friends, and she’s the one I would normally share first kiss kind of stories with. Let’s face it, I didn’t want to go tell her I’d kissed her little brother.
- I wanted to make sure we had shared interests. We were also very different people. He’s an engineer-type, video-game obsessed, practical kind of guy. I’m a writer who likes finding shapes in the clouds. I knew that kissing would be an easy way to pass time, but it was important for me to know that we had things to do together that weren’t just physical. I wanted to really spend time getting to know each other.
- I needed to feel valued. If you’re a woman, you know how easy it is to feel objectified, especially since society and the media tell us that we’re just here for sex appeal. I needed to know that wasn’t true. I needed to feel loved for who I was, not for what I could give.
- I wanted the perfect kiss. My very first kiss was on a crowded city bus—hardly romantic. I wanted my next first kiss to be romantic and cute. So when my boyfriend asked if he could kiss me while we stood in front of my house (probably while my little brother watched out the window), it didn’t feel like the right time.
- I was scared. What it comes down to is just fear. I was afraid of getting my heart broken, of being used, of being abandoned. I needed to know that the kiss was more than just a kiss. When we did finally kiss, a year later after a semester of college apart, it was perfect, romantic, and intentional. I knew he loved me for me, and I knew he was going to fight for me. It was more than worth the wait.
