I Made A Promise To Myself That I Wouldn’t Do These Things In My Next Relationship & I’m Not Going To Break That Promise

After several failed relationships, I’ve decided to take a new approach to dating. Previously, instead of taking time to get to really know the person, paying attention to obvious red flags, and accepting the kind of love I deserved, I jumped into every relationship, ignored the signs, and settled for guys I knew were only interested in the game. I’m done with all that. I’ll never do these 10 things in my relationships again.

  1. Accept Nonsense Excuses I won’t accept constant apologies. Saying “sorry” gets a little redundant and after a dozen times, it starts to lose its meaning a little. I don’t want him to think he can be forgiven after doing something crappy simply by saying he’s sorry. It’s not going to work like that anymore. Apologies don’t impress me—not messing up to begin with is what would impress me.
  2. Put My Partner On A Pedestal I thought some of my boyfriends were better than me—and to be honest, I still kind of do. Some of them were definitely more genuine, sincere, and all around cooler people, but that still didn’t give me a reason to put them on a pedestal. Because of this, when they messed up and did something out of their amazingly genuine character, I’d get pissed because I thought they were too perfect to make mistakes.
  3. Overthink Everything Thinking too much is probably one of the main reasons I’m single. Seriously, I can over think the simplest of things (lack of punctuation via text message is what really gets to me). It’s easy to spend hours thinking about what he meant when he said something, but it’s better to just take his words as truth and keep on moving forward.
  4. Tell My Friends Intimate Details I used to tell my friends everything about the men in my life, even the ones who weren’t even in my life yet (like the hot guy at hot yoga). But now I see the damage that can do. My friends’ opinions influence me a lot, and if they don’t like a guy I’m interested in right off the bat, odds are, I’m probably not going to give that guy a fair chance.
  5. Be Everywhere He Is Okay, let me just say this: I’m not and I’ve never been a stalker. However, I did use to have a habit of wanting to be around my boyfriend’s 24/7, and that was mainly because I thought that’s what couples did. But spending so much time together got annoying for both of us. He needs to be able to do his own thing and I need to have a life outside of the relationship. Otherwise, I could forget who I am, and I definitely don’t want that. I don’t ever want my relationship to define who I am and how I spend my time.
  6. Apologize Way Too Much I refuse to apologize just because he’s making me feel like I’m at fault. If I did something, whether purposely or accidentally, I have no problem owning up to that. But if I’m truly not to blame and I’m only apologizing to end a dispute or argument then no, I’m not saying sorry just for the sake of being the peacemaker.
  7. Say “I Love You” Before I’m Ready I don’t want to say “I love you” two months into the relationship, even if I’m really feeling it. I want to make sure I really know the person I’m dating—like, really really know him. Because if I don’t, there’s no way I could truly love him. If I’m shouting my love for him after weeks of knowing him, I’m not in love—I’m in lust and I’m confusing it with love.
  8. Compare My Relationship To Other People I think we’re all guilty of comparing our relationships to other relationships. It’s kind of hard not to, especially with Instagram (it’s as if we’re looking at a picture of #couplegoals every other post). How could I not want my relationship to look like the couple who’s vacationing in Tahiti and snapping adorable pics left and right?! Even though it’s easier said than done, I have to look at my relationship from my eyes and my eyes only.
  9. Question The Relationship’s Future No one knows what the future holds, so why do I always try to figure it out early AF in my relationships?! I jump the gun in every relationship I’ve ever been in. After the third or fourth date, I’m deciding what our future house will look like and how many kids we’re going to have. Thinking so much about a future with a guy I don’t really know puts a ton of pressure on myself and the relationship as a whole.
  10. Let Fear Control Me Fear is a son of a bitch! Fear has stopped me from going after certain guys just because I thought they were too good for me. Fear has stopped me from speaking my mind and telling guys exactly what I was and what I wasn’t willing to put up with. Fear is crippling and I refuse to let it paralyze me any longer.
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.