Are You A Magnet For Crappy Guys?

Are You A Magnet For Crappy Guys? ©iStock/svetikd

Every guy you date seems to be a photocopy of the one before. What gives? If you feel the world is full of bad guys that aren’t worth your time, perhaps the reason why you always find yourself dating them has more to do with the signals you’re sending out.

  1. You’re addicted to drama. Bad guys bring drama to your doorstep, which is why they make such lousy boyfriends. But they’re not going to dump their drama at any woman’s house — they reserve it for women who like drama because it means that they’re more likely to take on theirs. If you do it, you’re basically telling guys you’re open for more.
  2. You like a challenge. Saying you like a challenge in a job interview is a good thing, but in the dating world not so much. You think that by wanting a challenge, you’re seeking out interesting, mysterious men, but that’s a glamorized idea. What you’re really getting is a man who plays hard to get, leaves you hanging or makes you jump through hoops to get his attention. That doesn’t sound like a fun challenge — it’s an obstacle course.
  3. You’re a fixer. This is the next level after wanting a challenge. Being a fixer means you get things done and in relationships you’re the girl who’ll do her best to make her partner happy, to the extent that you sacrifice your own needs. Why? You want to be loved and you believe that fixing your partner’s bad ways will make him fall in love with you. The sad truth is that bad men will bite the hand that feeds them.
  4. You think good guys are scarce. We’ve all heard the horror stories of how it’s easier to win the lottery or get murdered than it is to find a good guy, blah blah blah. Believing there are no good guys left can make you assume all guys are going to disappoint you. Instead of putting you off them, it might make you settle for them seeing as though they’ll keep your bed warm and there’s no one else out there. You might think that a bad guy is better than none, right? The truth is he’s worse – and he’s keeping you from finding the nice guy who’s not extinct.
  5. You have low self-esteem. If you lack confidence in yourself, it’s easy to find yourself in situations with bad guys because you don’t think you deserve any better. Jerks are attracted to this because it takes the pressure off them. They don’t have to try hard to keep you happy so they can just go with the flow. Like a dead fish.
  6. You don’t know what you want. It’s impossible to avoid dating bad guys if you don’t know yourself and what you really want out of a relationship. You’re then merely wandering through the dating scene, picking up flotsam instead of seeking out the biggest, juiciest fish. Figure out what you’re looking for and what’s important to you so you avoid the dating debris.
  7. You love bad boys. What’s so addictive about bad boys? The rush of being with them and living life on the edge. The fun, the mystery… the waiting up all night for them to call when you know they’re out charming other women. Yeah, really fun. The good qualities a bad boy shows you when he first meets you reels you in — and then breaks your heart. But you repeat the cycle with other bad boys in the hope that the next one will be genuinely charming and genuinely not into breaking your heart. But the ride doesn’t change. Time to get off it for good.
  8. You still haven’t learned your lesson from the last guy. Every relationship teaches you something important about yourself. If you keep dating the same bad men, you’re repeating the pattern and showing the lesson the finger, which means you can’t break free. Take a timeout from the dating scene for a while and suss out what your payoff is from being with bad guys. Instead of hoping the ugly frog will turn into the charming prince, turn yourself into a confident, kick-ass woman who doesn’t waste her lipstick by kissing losers.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.