How To Maintain An Independent Life Even When You’re Head Over Heels In Love

You’re head over heels for someone amazing and you want to spend every waking second by their side. Wait a minute—that’s not a great idea. You’re always told to keep your own life going and not lose yourself to love. It’s necessary, but how should you do it? Here are 13 easy ideas you can — and should — try.

  1. Schedule in your hobbies. You can’t forget to take time to do your creative writing or painting if you actually sit down and set time aside for them in your calendar. Heck, even if you have to set reminders on your phone so you don’t forget to pick up a pen or paintbrush, it’s important to do so! Those passions are what fuel you and shouldn’t be pushed aside.
  2. Remember the other people who love you. It’s not just your partner who deserves your love, so don’t make them your whole world. Don’t forget about your family members and friends! They’ll always be there for you and they’ll keep you grounded.
  3. Give yourself some love. Don’t fall into the trap of giving all your love to this new person. What about yourself? That’s key to maintaining your identity in your relationship. Whether self-love is meditating, giving yourself some space in which to process your feelings, or going to the gym every morning or evening, make it a priority.
  4. Take it slow. It’s easy to get caught up in a new love but don’t let it steamroll over your life. The best way to prevent that is by taking it slow and dipping into the romance instead of jumping in and drowning in its depth.
  5. Bring your goals into the spotlight. Don’t forget about your dreams that you’ve been fighting hard to achieve. Just because love is throwing a glow over your life, it doesn’t mean it’s more important than the things you want for yourself. Now’s the time to bring those goals to the forefront instead of allowing them to collect dust.
  6. Keep your own interests. While it’s fun to do things with your partner, it’s important to have your own interests and hobbies that they don’t have. In that way, you’ll score some alone time on a regular basis while doing the things you love.
  7. Know where you’re at. It’s very important to have some time to yourself so you can think and feel in a totally uncensored way instead of your thoughts and feelings being colored by your partner’s. So, make sure you always have some time to yourself to do this.
  8. Check in with yourself. It’s not enough to have an hour every week where you think and feel freely. It’s a good idea to check in with yourself more regularly. Take yourself on a date and ask yourself what you need and what will make you happy so that you don’t lose sight of those things.
  9. Talk about other things. When you spend time with your friends, don’t make every topic of discussion your relationship or partner. Focus on other things. You’re about more than being someone’s girlfriend.
  10. Go to places on your own. It’s healthy to go out on your own and even go on vacation without your partner. While that might feel weird because you’ll be missing them, the point is to show yourself that you can still enjoy things without having them by your side.
  11. Keep trying new things. Maybe your partner doesn’t really feel like going to a reiki class or having their palm read, but you’re really keen. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go. It’s important to continue trying new and interesting things from time to time. Don’t get caught in a rut.
  12. Keep your arguments at home. It’s easy to let the black cloud of your relationship issues shadow the joy you have in the rest of your life, but try not to let that happen. If you’re having a bad day in your relationship, try not to bring those feelings to work or to your social gatherings. Sometimes it helps to keep different areas of your life away from each other so you don’t let one take over too much.
  13. Say what’s on your mind. It’s easy to fall in step with another person, but don’t neglect your opinions, thoughts, and real feelings – even if it hurts to say them out loud at times. They’re a reflection of what you’re about and you shouldn’t push them aside for another person. Ever. From day one of your relationship, make it a habit to say what you feel, no matter what.


Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.