Here’s What Makes Falling In Love So Hard

Here’s What Makes Falling In Love So Hard ©iStock/ilbusca

All it takes is an hour and a half to overcome all obstacles and fall in love in the movies, so why is falling in love so hard in real life? Even when we do fall in love, it seems to end suddenly and leave us heartbroken. Something so wonderful shouldn’t be so difficult, right?

  1. We just want it to be easy. The best things in life don’t come easily. Cliche, but true. The moment we realize it takes more than sex and a quick text to make love work, we run. We expect it to be easy and if we can’t have that, we’re not interested.
  2. We think it should be obvious. Love, lust and like are easily confused. Why can’t it just be obvious, like a cartoon? We’d make eye contact, hearts would form in our eyes, and we’d float towards each other. Figuring out how you feel and how the other person feels is sometimes the hardest part.
  3. We’re afraid of choosing the wrong person. We live in an era of instant gratification. We’re always looking to keep our options open, no matter how our hearts feel. We’d rather be lonely than commit and always wonder if the grass is greener elsewhere.
  4. We’re always looking for better. We’re always upgrading our devices, cars, hair, wardrobe and so on. We might be in love, but that cute guy at work has better hair than your current boyfriend. Maybe he might be better for you. We always look for better instead of seeing what’s great about what we already have.
  5. We hate compromise. As a general rule, no one likes compromise. Love requires it. Without it, one or both people in a relationship are going to feel miserable. The first time we have to compromise on something simple, we decide we’re not really in love after all.
  6. We have a hard time finding balance. Love is a careful balancing game. There has to be give and take. In many cases, one person ends up giving far more than they take or vice versa. Working out that balance means more communication than we’re comfortable with.
  7. We give up after one bad breakup. Bad breakups are a fact of life, but we have to learn to get over them. Giving up on love makes it impossible to find it. We’re going to get hurt, but we’re going to get better.
  8. We set our standards too high. In a world of swipe left or right, it’s easy to set our standards ridiculously high. If they don’t look perfect or they don’t have the job we want them to have, then we’re not interested. The higher our standards, the harder it is to find and fall in love.
  9. We’re too busy with everything else. We have careers, friends, family, pets, travel plans, social media and so on and so on. There’s always something else we could be doing than focusing on strengthening a relationship. No matter how much we love, we just don’t have time to make it work.
  10. We’d rather have fun than work hard. At first, a relationship is fun and carefree. Then, the hard part begins. When the initial fun fades, we’re tired of it and move on. What we don’t realize is we’re throwing love to the side.
  11. We don’t want to see ourselves as imperfect. We like to think of ourselves as flawless. Loving someone means seeing all your flaws through their eyes. Being told you’re not perfect hurts, but it’s necessary. We do the same thing to the people we fall in love with. With hard work, love makes you feel both imperfect and perfect all at once.
  12. We can’t accept our partners’ flaws. While we set on our pedestals, we look down on tiny flaws our partners might have. Oh no, his hair is blonde instead of brunette. His sister’s a bitch, but his mom loves you. We pick apart the person we love until we convince ourselves that they’re not perfect for us after all.
  13. We’re addicted to technology. How often do we go out only to sit quietly texting the person across from us or checking Facebook updates? It’s time to put our phones down so we can connect. Real love means actually speaking to someone face to face and spending quality time with them without a screen in the way.
  14. We don’t always love ourselves. Step one in falling in love is learning to love ourselves. Despite our desire to be perfect, sometimes we’re so obsessed with what’s wrong that we begin to hate ourselves. Let go of the hate and love who you are. We all deserve to love ourselves and be loved by others.
  15. Love goes against our natural instincts. Our instincts tell us to find partners who are capable of taking care of us, even if that means dropping them when someone younger and better comes along. Hence cheating. Our instincts also tell us to protect ourselves, meaning avoiding love so we don’t get hurt. Ignoring those instincts is a major reason falling in love is so hard.
  16. We have too many options. Our grandparents had a much easier time meeting someone and falling in love because they didn’t have quite as many options. Does that mean they chose wrong? No. It just means it was easier for them to find someone, connect with them and fall in love. With hundreds of online dating sites, dating apps, and a larger population, it’s easy to get lost in the options instead of focusing on what you have right in front of you.
Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.