Are You Making It Hard For Men To Fall For You?

You’re single. In fact, you’ve been single for so long, you’re pretty sure you don’t even know how to be in a relationship anymore. You go on dates; you even go on multiple dates with the same person, but no matter what you do, you just can’t get anyone to stick around for the long haul and you can’t figure out why.

Well, aside from the fact that your beauty is intimidating the hell out of everyone you meet, because obvs, there might be some other factors, too, ones that you haven’t considered, standing in the way of your happily ever after. Not sure what? Here are 16 signs you’re making it hard for men to fall for you.

  1. You come on too strong. While men do love a woman with confidence, a woman who comes on so strong that she starts dropping hints about wanting to get married halfway through the third date is just going to chase any prospective mates away.
  2. You always seem aloof. Sometimes we’re all aloof because we all have lots of crap going on, but it’s when it’s persistent and you consistently appear cold and standoff-ish, that it’s hard for anyone to want to be near you, let along fall for you.
  3. You play way too hard to get. It’s awesome to create a challenge in the early days, but it’s another thing when you’re still playing that silliness a month into dating someone. Cool it; give him a chance to spend time with you instead of chasing you.
  4. You’re too willing to change who you are be liked. Although you may be able to pull the wool over the eyes of the person you’re dating in the early stages, as you try to mold yourself into what they think is perfect, it won’t last. Eventually the real you will come out, and it’s going to make it really hard for someone to want to stick around after that.
  5. You act way too fake. It’s always nice to laugh at bad jokes on dates, but when you push the fakeness to Taylor Swift level, you’re going to turn him off and send him running for the hills.
  6. You pull that needy BS. “OMG! You didn’t call at 7PM like you promised you would! You didn’t call until 7:20PM! How do you think that makes me feel?!” Groan.
  7. You have unrealistic expectations. It’s so important to have expectations! Having expectations keeps you from settling and selling yourself short. But it’s when those expectations become insanely unrealistic, like how you will only date someone who’s at least sort of related to royalty or someone who owns a champagne colored Bentley instead of a silver one, that you’re really giving yourself no hope.
  8. You’re always “super busy.” We all know that “super busy” is code for Netflix. When someone feels like they’re second to Netflix, it can be hard for them to want to want to stick around long enough to try to get over that.
  9. You’re a total drama queen. You’re not just freaking out about him not calling on time, but you’re over-analyzing texts, crying at the drop of a hat, and acting like everything is the end of the world. Unless you’re starring in the Broadway adaption of How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days, take it down a notch.
  10. You’re too independent. Although there is nothing wrong with being really independent, when that independence doesn’t leave room for anyone else in your life, then you can’t expect to find love.
  11. You run from men who seem to appear too available. For reasons that researchers are still debating, the more available a man is, the less likely a woman will be interested in him. It’s most likely linked to something involving the evolution of the species; but just because a man seems available, it doesn’t mean he’s not a catch and shouldn’t be given a chance.
  12. You’re emotionally cut off. Some women aren’t cuddly, affectionate types who like to tell men they love them all the time and, well, so be it. But keeping your emotions always under wraps doesn’t allow for forward movement in a relationship and can make a guy bail because he feels like you’re just not into it.
  13. You don’t listen when he talks. Conversations take two people, and listening is one of the most important aspects of it. When people feel like they’re not being heard, they lose interest fast.
  14. Your obsession with your ex is all too obvious. If you still want to be in love with your ex, then by all means, go for it. However, don’t be surprised when it drives a new guy away.
  15. You assume every guy is awful. Well, let’s be honest, most are. I kid! (Or do I?) Either way, if you run around thinking every guy you meet is a jerk, you put up a wall around you and most men don’t run around with hammers to break that stuff down. Once it’s up, it stays there until you tear it down again.
  16. You’re selfish as hell. Personally, I think being selfish as hell is a very important quality to have, but similarly to being too independent, it’s a slippery slope. There’s nothing wrong with putting yourself and your needs first, but you can’t expect a man to fall for you if you can’t see outside yourself long enough to acknowledge he’s there and has needs, too.
Amanda Chatel is a sexual health, mental health, and wellness journalist with more than a decade of experience. Her work has been featured in Shape, Glamour, SELF, Harper's Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Elle, Mic, Men's Health and Bustle, where she was a lifestyle writer for seven years. In 2019, The League included Amanda in their "15 Inspirational Feminists Every Single Person Should Follow on Twitter" list.

Amanda has a bachelor's degree in English and master's degree in Creative Writing from the University of New Hampshire. She divides her time between NYC, Paris, and Barcelona.

You can follow her on Instagram @la_chatel or on Twitter @angrychatel.