A Man Who’s Wishy-Washy About Commitment Isn’t A Man You Need In Your Life

Just because there seems to be an epidemic of guys with commitment issues out there doesn’t mean you should stick with someone who isn’t really interested in pursuing something serious with you and making it official. If he likes you, what’s the problem? Here’s why you need to drop the guy who won’t make his intentions for your relationship clear ASAP:

  1. You deserve to know where you stand. It’s not enough to go with the flow or enjoy what you have for now. That has a shelf-life of a few weeks max before you want to know if you and the guy you’re dating have the same relationship views and goals. If he can’t give you that, then say adios.
  2. You shouldn’t date for the sake of it. Why are you sticking with someone who isn’t really committed to you? Is it because you reckon it’s better than being single? That means you’d rather be unsatisfied with someone than happy on your own. See how crazy that sounds?
  3. Commitment isn’t something to be taken lightly. Listen to what the guy says about commitment. If he’s open about how he’s got commitment issues, he’s afraid of commitment, or he’s not looking for it now because it’s so damn serious, then he’s basically giving you a heads up to get out before you get hurt. It’s not something he should be laughing about as though his commitment issues are cute. They’re not. They’re annoying AF.
  4. You deserve more. A guy who isn’t really committed to you is only giving about 30 or 40 percent of himself. It’s even less than a half-assed attempt to making your relationship work. This means that you will end up having to make up for what he’s not giving you. It’s so screwed up. You deserve a guy who’ll give 100 percent and nothing less.
  5. You don’t need mind games. Do you really want to spend your Saturday night wondering if he’s cheating on you or fighting with him about how what he says about commitment leaves you feeling confused? Hell no. Don’t waste your time or energy on that nonsense.
  6. Your needs matter. If he can’t commit properly in the way that you need him to then he’s not right for you and shouldn’t be a jerk who wastes your time. Don’t think that what you need from a relationship can take second place — that only leads to hurt and resentment down the line.
  7. He’s not really into you. A guy who invests in a relationship shows you that he wants to be with you and he’s mad about you. That’s the guy you want, not some loser who makes you wonder if he’s fully committed or not.
  8. You can’t trust him. It’s impossible to trust a guy who seems shady when it comes to commitment. Even if he doesn’t seem like the type who’d cheat on you, you won’t be able to trust what he really feels for you, which is just as terrible.
  9. You can’t enjoy the relationship. Even if you guys have good times — and there must be good times, otherwise you wouldn’t be with him — if you doubt his commitment to you then you can’t really enjoy what you have with him. This commitment cloud will hang over you, raining on your happiness all the time. It’s not worth it.
  10. Sooner or later, it will get worse. Commitment doubts might not feel like such a big relationship flaw early on, but as time goes by they will become a big problem. If he isn’t showing signs of committing to you after a few months or a year of dating, then what’s his deal? You’re both going to have to decide if you’re in this for real or not, and then go your separate ways if he can’t meet your standards. Otherwise, it’s so unfair on you if you have to stay in this mediocre relationship.
  11. You can’t fix himAre you staying with him because you hope he’ll get over his commitment issues or you’ll fix them so that you can live happily ever after? Don’t waste another minute doing that. If he’s got problems with commitment, you’ll never be able to fix them. See him for what he is. He’s not going to change.
  12. A guy who’s serious about you won’t give you mixed messages. Perhaps he says he’s committed to you, but then shows signs that he’s not really, like if he goes AWOL for days at a time. It’s messed up. A guy who seriously wants a healthy relationship with you won’t give you mixed messages. He’ll be clear about what he wants — you — and his words will match his actions.
  13. You need a grown man. Enough with all these guys acting like children! You need a guy who is man enough not to be afraid of commitment, which is often a BS lie guys use to get what they want (that is, sex) from a woman who’s actually not girlfriend material. Any guy who isn’t clear about his commitment, or lack of it, is taking the coward’s way out. Ugh. Why would you even want to be tied to a guy like that?
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.