Does your man pay more attention to his computer than you? Have you already seen all his “private” bookmarks? There’s nothing wrong with watching sex online, but when it starts to take over your man’s life and affect your relationship, he just might be addicted. I know your first thought might be to just call him a pervert and leave, but take a breath and think about it.
We all make mistakes. At least you know if he’s always busy watching sex online, he doesn’t have time to cheat on you. His addiction is a problem, but for many men and women, it’s a fixable issue. It just takes time and patience from you. If you really care about him, give him a chance to change and help him through the process.
- Try watching it with him. Maybe there’s something in the videos that he really wants to try. Try watching it with him to see if there’s a common theme. Besides, if you get interested and never give him any alone time with his screen, he might just lose interest in the online sex altogether.
- Ask what he likes about it. Be prepared for all sorts of answers here. I know you probably don’t want to hear that he loves watching women who have all the assets you don’t. But his addiction might not have anything to do with the sexual acts themselves. You honestly don’t know what it is that he truly likes. Hear him out and go from there.
- Suggest ways to spice things up in real life. I’m not saying it’s your fault, but if things have gotten a bit stagnant in the bedroom or any other room, he might find sex online more exciting than actual sex with you. Make some time to spice things up. Try new positions. Have sex more often. Just have fun and show him the real thing is better than watching sex on the internet.
- Find out what’s missing in the relationship. You might have sex several times a day, every day. If you do, congratulations. That’s damn impressive. But what if you do have sex often and he’s still addicted to sex? Talk to him. Try to figure out if something’s missing. Maybe you need more cuddle time or need to do more things together beyond sex.
- Remember it’s not about you. This is the hardest thing to realize. When you see your man excited over some strangers getting it on, but he’s ignoring you, you feel like you’re doing something wrong. It’s not your fault – EVER. If he’s got a problem with the relationship, he has a mouth. He can talk to you.
- Ask if you’re more important. If a guy cares about you and is willing to watch sex less, he won’t hesitate to say you’re more important. If he hesitates or says watching sex online is number one, it’s time to leave. I hate to say it’s over, but do you really want a man who values watching sex online more than you?
- Work together to ween him off it. Think of sex online like any other addiction. Doing it cold turkey might work, but it could just make things worse. Make a plan together to ween him off it. Start with slightly less explicit (hard core to soft core) and then reduce how often he watches it. It’ll take some time, but it’ll work if he’s committed to changing.
- Try seeing a therapist. There’s only so much you can do on your own. Suggest seeing a therapist together or ask him to try it on his own if he’s more comfortable that way. A professional might be able to get to the heart of the problem so you’ll both better understand how to fix things.
- Don’t put all the focus on sex. It’s easy to think everything revolves around sex when there’s a sex online addiction. Sometimes the best way to deal with it is to move away from sex. Keeping the passion alive in a relationship doesn’t mean humping each other 24/7. Go on trips, try new hobbies together, cook dinner as a couple, talk often and learn to connect without sex. This shows your man there’s more to life than sitting around watching sex online all day.
- Limit his sex online time. I don’t care if you have to install a special app to cut him off. Set limits. Most guys are going to watch sex online, but it should never get in the way of actual sex or spending time with you. After all, we all need that special alone time. When it becomes an addiction, you need to be upfront with him and set limits. The less he watches it, the less of a problem you have.
- Make him choose one or the other. Yes, I’m telling you to give him an ultimatum. Usually, I’m against this, but if you’ve tried everything else and he knows more about the sex online he watches than you, it’s time to make him choose. You shouldn’t have to put up with being second to random strangers having sex. If he doesn’t choose you, end it immediately and find a better guy.
- Decide if he’s worth it. He might be showing signs of changing, but he still spends more time with sex online than you. Maybe he won’t even admit he’s addicted. This means you have a hard choice in front of you. Do you push the issue and hope you can fix him? Or do you cut your losses? Only you know the answer.
Sex online addiction is a major problem and it’s why many women hate sex online so much. With some support from you, your man can overcome it. Just remember, if he’s only watching it occasionally. it’s not an addiction. It’s just some personal fun time.