Why Do So Many Guys Say One Thing & Mean Another?

Why Do So Many Guys Say One Thing & Mean Another?

You’d think it wouldn’t be too difficult to find a man whose words and thoughts matched up, but reality says otherwise. Maybe I’m simply naive, but this is why I can’t figure out why so many guys out there can’t just be honest with the women they date.

  1. Being honest isn’t that hard. At least, I didn’t think it was. Sure, there are sometimes uncomfortable truths that have to be spoken, but even those have to be way easier to get out than blatant lies about what you’re feeling.
  2. Getting laid isn’t worth a guilty conscience. I guess you CAN lie to someone about wanting something real when all you really want is an easy orgasm, but it’s a pretty crappy way to get the job done. There are plenty of women out there looking for casual sex, so why can’t these men go for them instead of hurting those of us who are looking for serious relationships?
  3. It has to be tough to keep a lie going. Maybe I’m just a terrible liar, but I have no clue how a guy can look at a woman with a straight face and tell her something completely different from what’s going through his mind. I know I’d break down and let the truth come pouring out of my mouth before long, so it blows my mind that so many guys can go through the effort of maintaining such a huge lie for such a long time.
  4. I can handle the truth. I’m one of the most straightforward people you’ll ever meet, so it always stuns me when a guy still feels the need to lie about his feelings or intentions to me. I’m strong and independent; I’m not going to care if a guy isn’t looking for any kind of commitment. What gets me is when he says he IS looking for something serious, then suddenly “changes his mind” once I’ve gotten attached. I’ll always prefer to be hurt by the truth than comforted with a lie.
  5. It’s easier on everyone if intentions are clear from the start. I try to be clear about what I’m looking for right off the bat because the last thing I’d want to do is end up with someone whose relationship goals were different from my own. I’ve experienced what happens when expectations aren’t made clear from the beginning, so I can’t comprehend why someone would put himself and another person through that if he had the option of being honest instead.
  6. It makes it that much harder to find someone worthwhile. It sucks so hard to waste your time on someone who didn’t care about you the way you thought he did. Then, even when you eventually break away from him, you’ll often deal with the same thing again and again. There are so many insincere guys out there, it often feels like you’re searching for a pot of gold at the end of a never-ending rainbow. Except, you know, the rainbow’s made of trash.
  7. I want to be proven wrong when it comes to this stuff. The last thing I want is to be one of those people who laments that all guys are the same, but when you experience the same stuff over and over again, it’s easy to fall into that mindset. Even after dealing with so many untruthful men, though, I still have hope that there are plenty out there who really do say what they mean. I just wish they’d start making themselves known.
  8. The dishonest men are ruining things for the honest ones. Those of us who have a hard time trusting a guy’s word didn’t get that way overnight. At one point, most of us believed just about any man when he told us he really cared or wanted a serious relationship. But now, after dealing with so many liars and manipulators, lots of us put up a wall even for the genuine guys out there. These men who aren’t honest about what they think aren’t just screwing over women: they’re also screwing over all the good men who would do right by us.
  9. It takes a serious lack of morality to take advantage of someone’s trust. There’s a special place in relationship hell for men who will work to gain a woman’s trust only to throw it in her face. Maybe I’m just a big softie, but I couldn’t imagine doing that to anyone, much less someone who was just trying to treat me right. I don’t know what these guys are thinking, but it’s clear that their moral compasses don’t exactly point north.
  10. Karma’s a bigger bitch than I could ever hope to be. It might not be tomorrow or even next year, but eventually, what goes around really will come back around. I try to be a good person to the guys I date because I know that the kind of treatment I give will ultimately be the kind I get in return. These manipulative dudes might get their way at first, but it’s going to bite them in the ass one day when they find a woman they really like and she turns out to be playing them. I’d be terrified to be dishonest with someone for that reason alone.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu blue belt. She's currently hanging out in Costa Rica with her cat and a lot of really big bugs.