Nearly every day you come across a new article about all of the things our generation has ruined. If you believe the hype, millennials just keep screwing up everything for everyone else and we’re not going to stop. Obviously, that’s ridiculous. Here’s are just a few of the awesome things millennials have apparently gone out of our way to ensure will never be the same again.
Marriage, of course
You can’t talk about Millennials without talking about how we’ve ruined traditional marriage. We don’t get married until later in life, a larger percentage of us are refusing to have kids, and we’re spending record amounts of money to get hitched. The average cost of getting married in 2016 was $35,329, which has nothing to do with the rising cost and price gouging of wedding-related “necessities;” nope, we’re just spoiled.
Millennials just don’t date right either! Between using dating apps and having sex with fewer partners than the previous generations, we’re doing everything backwards. Most of us choose to move in together before getting married too; how scandalous!
The housing market
Millennials aren’t buying houses! All of us are collectively ruining the housing market with the blanket lower paying jobs and stricter lending practices brought about by the crash in 2008. A crash that was somehow probably also somehow our fault.
Selfies, selfie sticks, Instagram, filters—we document our food and every second of our lives online, so not only have we ruined privacy but we’ve even ruined just the simple act of taking a photo. Forget that people have been taking selfies for longer than cameras have been around. (Self-portraits, anyone?)
The diamond market
We’re getting married less than most other generations, and when we get married, we’re straying away from the traditional diamonds in our wedding rings. Why? Most millennials don’t think that diamonds are romantic anymore. Also, most of us still work retail or low-paying professional jobs, so who has the money to spend on overpriced bling anyway? Hint: almost no one under 35. We have to save up all of our money for our overpriced weddings.
Why don’t millennials buy paper napkins? Because we go out to eat so much that we just use napkins there. Who eats at home anymore? Certainly not millennials. Why would we spend our free time cooking when we’re already so busy with our two jobs?
Bars of soap
Most millennials think bar soap is filled with germs and that liquid soap is a cleaner option. Millennials love our liquid body washes. We love them so much, in fact, that we’re killing the bar soap industry. Sounds like the bar soap industry needs to get with the times and start making liquid soap if they don’t want their business to end up going down the drain.
Golf is boring. Golf is for people who can afford expensive equipment and have loads of free time. Millennials, on average, have neither. Again, we’re too busy working both of our jobs and eating out.
Hotels and vacations
Who wants to stay in a gross hotel when there’s AirBnB and other nifty and cheap ways of staying in other people’s homes? Why would we want to be confined to staying in a generic, uncaring hotel when we can stay in a nicer, homier place on the cheap? Home swapping or renting is available almost anywhere; why wouldn’t we use it?
The Business suit
Millennials have been accused of killing workplace formality. We don’t like suits and other business casual clothes (or can we just not afford them?) and we like to wear clothes that don’t hurt us by the end of the day (how selfish of us). So instead, we’re choosing to wear less formal business attire. What a tragedy; if all of the suit stores go out of business, where will we buy uncomfortable clothing in the future?
The work force
Millennials are ruining the 9-5 work day. We want more flexible hours to be able to work harder on our passions and spend less time at work. Forty percent of Most millennials spend at least one day a week working from home. Good for us! With the rising costs of childcare, gasoline, and wages being stagnant, this is good for everyone involved—even employers! Even though they’ll never admit it.
Cable TV is heading the way of the dinosaur really fast, mostly because of millennials. Older generations are nearly twice as likely to have cable in their homes as us young folks. The reason is partly because Neflix, Hulu, and Amazon Prime all combined are still a thousand times cheaper than cable alone, and partly because who has $200 a month to blow on TV with all of those commercials?
The whole country
We’ve ruined everything, so I’m sure someone thinks we’ve ruined this too. I mean, we’re more involved, more accepting, more educated, and better connected, but we’ve just ruined everything.
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