Marriage Is A Load Of Crap — Here’s Why

Sure, getting married can be a great way to express your love for your partner in front of your family and friends in a debt-inducing blowout, but is it really worth it? You certainly don’t need a piece of paper to prove you’re committed, and having that paper doesn’t mean you won’t end up a statistic — one of the 50 percent of couples that end up divorced. Save yourself the trouble and don’t get married. It’s all crap, anyway.

  1. The pressure to get married is crap. A lot of couples feel like they have to get married because they’ve been together for a few years, sometimes much longer. After all, it’s the right thing to do according to social norms. Screw that. The right thing to do is whatever feels right to you as a couple. If you don’t feel ready to get married — if you NEVER feel ready to get married — don’t.
  2. The idea that marriage = commitment is crap. If you need marriage to feel committed to someone, you’re doing it wrong. Getting married doesn’t make you more or less committed to your relationship. You’re literally just signing a piece of paper that tells the government you like this person enough to legally bind yourself to them.
  3. Planning a wedding/reception is crap. Pinterest has made it easier than ever for women to plan their dream weddings — and they all look exactly the same. On top of that, it seems they’ve just become a pissing contest to see who can have the most extravagant day with the fanciest stuff. Honestly, I’d rather take that $30k and spend it on something that will last more than one day.
  4. Buying a wedding dress is BS. Have you ever looked at the price tags on wedding gowns? They want you to pay HOW MUCH for ONE DAY? As if the ceremony and reception won’t be expensive enough, consider how much money is being thrown away for a few pieces of fabric that your new hubby is going to rip off of you at the end of the night anyway. Tell me, is it really worth that much to you?
  5. The pressure to have kids is BS. How does that saying go? “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage.” As soon as you tie the knot, suddenly everyone and their third cousin twice removed is asking when you’re starting your own little family. Ugh. Good luck explaining a dozen times to Aunt Louise at Christmas why you’re waiting to have kids (or don’t want them at all).
  6. Changing your name is BS. The novelty of having a new name will wear off as soon as you realize how much crap you have to do to get all of your legal documents changed. You have to get a new social security card, a new driver’s license, new credit cards, and a new work ID. Then you’ve got to change your information at the bank and every company who sends you bills. And then you’ll spend the next couple of years correcting people. If you end up divorcing, it’s a nightmare all over again if you decide to switch back to your maiden name. And if you decide not to take his name in the first place, that’s a whole other level of nonsense.
  7. Dealing with in-laws is BS. Even if you absolutely love your partner’s family, there will be plenty of times that you’ll wish they’d just disappear. If you thought it was annoying explaining to your Aunt Louise why you don’t want kids yet, imagine trying to explain to your mother-in-law why she shouldn’t be expecting grandbabies anytime soon. And Thanksgiving at their house will never be as good as the way your family does it, but you’ll have to suffer through it anyway because they’re your family now, too.
  8. Being known as someone’s wife is BS. Admit it, getting called “the girlfriend” sucks. Imagine being called “the wife” or “the old ball and chain” for the rest of your life. Your last name will not only change to his, but suddenly your first name is going to be replaced with “Mrs.” You’re no longer your own woman — you’re HIS woman. Ugh.
  9. Sharing money is BS. Some things in relationships should always be 50/50, and if you’re living together, rent and utility bills should be included in that. But once you get married, there’s this mindset that “what’s mine is yours”, and it’s ridiculous. You both work hard for your money, and there’s no reason to give someone your hard-earned paycheck just because you’re partners. Not happening.
  10. Divorce is BS. Not only will you have to go through all the paperwork again, but you’ll have to fork over half a paycheck just to file for divorce. And that’s only if you agree on terms. If you can’t split property and settle everything with civility, you’ll have to hire a lawyer and go through a longer process. Do yourself a favor and avoid divorce by not getting married in the first place.
Kristan is a 24-year-old blogger from the cornfields of Terre Haute, Indiana. She spends her days working in accounting, and her nights trying to change the world with her words. You can find her on Instagram and Twitter @kristangible, or read her blog at