My Married Friends Ditched Me When I Was Single

When I didn’t have a boyfriend, some of my friends got guys of their own and went AWOL. Interestingly, now that I’m in a long-term relationship, they’re coming back onto the scene and inviting me out with them. WTF is going on?

  1. They want to chat more than they have in months. Some of these taken or married women are suddenly showing interest in my life and relationship. They want to know how I am and who my guy is, where I’m living now, and what my relationship is like. It’s weird because I haven’t spoken to them in ages and when I was single, they weren’t interested in having catch-up sessions.
  2. It’s clearly not even about me—they’re only interested in my relationship. Sometimes I’ll try to talk about other things, like work or travel, but one or two of these friends will always steer the conversation back to my relationship. WTF? It’s like that’s all they care about! When I was single, it was like I was written off by them. They felt they didn’t have to reply to my texts or hang out because they knew what I was about. Now they’re acting like since I’ve got interesting things happening in my life, I must be more interesting to talk to.
  3. They want to do couple things. Two of my friends have invited me and my BF out to coffee or movies with them. Totally out of the blue! Ugh. It just feels so shady. Why think of us now? Where were these invitations when I was on my own?
  4. They’re still ditching our single friends. One of my married friends wants to do fun stuff with me and my BF but she never invites our mutual single friend along even though the three of us used to be a group. Hmmm. It’s like she’s expecting us to form our own gang of women who are in LTRs while ignoring single women? Ugh, it’s so false and ridiculous!
  5. I really don’t want to hang out with them now that I know the truth. I must be honest—at first, I was happy to hear from these friends who’d sort of disappeared into married life. Then I thought about it and it just didn’t feel good to hear from them out of the blue. I actually don’t want to hang with them. They’re just after some good gossip and news from me before they ditch me again when they feel like it.
  6. Is it that I’m no longer a threat? I’ve heard the theory that married women sometimes avoid their single friends out of fear that they’ll lose their husbands to them. I’m certainly not flattering myself here by thinking that’s why my married friends avoided me. But maybe they just didn’t like being around a single woman. Perhaps to them, I represented the life they used to have and they didn’t want reminders of that. So now I’m not a threat because I have a BF, is that it? They think since I’m settled in a relationship, I can be more like them and we don’t have to have weird issues cropping up but they’re the source of the issues anyway.
  7. They think I’ve achieved something. It’s sickening to think that I’m worthier in my married friends’ eyes now that I’ve got a boyfriend. It’s like I wasn’t allowed into their exclusive club when I was single but now I’ve got the secret password to enter. That’s BS. Why didn’t they see my worth before?
  8. I actually brought this up in conversation and the answer was infuriating. I decided to pluck up the courage and ask one of my married friends why she was suddenly inviting me out to her couple events and dinners. She replied that it was easier now because otherwise as the only single woman I’d have been left out. What, is this 1950? FFS, what’s wrong with being the only single woman?
  9. It’s convenient for them to forget I wasn’t always in a relationship. When I was single, these friends totally ignored me and didn’t seem keen to stay in touch. It’s funny how quickly they forget that now that I’m “one of them.” They can take their married woman club and shove it!
  10. We’re still in different places. I used to feel like they were moving into different phases in their lives, and I was in my own single one. Now that we seem to be in the same place—that of being in a LTR—it’s funny but we actually feel further apart than ever. I have nothing in common with them and they feel like strangers.
  11. We’re still basing our worth on guys and it’s sickening. I hate that having a boyfriend makes me seem like a more successful/valuable woman worth socializing with. It’s so disgusting! We should be friends no matter what—if we have guys in our lives or not. It’s so childish to base our confidence, friendship, and social standing on men. I want friends who value me for more than my relationship status.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.