If none of your friends are big fans of your boyfriend and you can’t seem to figure out why, there are a few possibilities: either he’s a complete douchebag and you’re living in denial, or he might as well be as far as your friends know because you never tell them any different. Here’s why your BFFs’ feelings about your boyfriend might be your fault:
- You never say anything good about him. Perhaps the most obvious reason of all — if all your friends ever hear is the list of things that drive you crazy about your boyfriend, the picture in their heads of the guy you’re dating isn’t going to be a positive one. He can’t be all bad, but that’s what they’re going to think if you never have anything nice to say about him.
- You never bring him to things. If he’s never around, it’s pretty hard for your friends to get to know him. They might assume he doesn’t want to come and therefore doesn’t care about getting to know them either. Or they could think you don’t want to bring him, and that can’t mean anything good either, can it?
- Your opinion of him isn’t exactly positive. If you aren’t proud to call him your boyfriend and your general attitude towards him makes it seem like you don’t really like him that much, it’s going to rub off on your friends. Why should they bother trying to like a guy you’re clearly going to dump any day now?
- You flake out on them for him. It’s normal to see your boyfriend more than you see your friends and bailing on your standing Saturday brunch reservations every once in awhile is no big deal. But when you start blowing them off on a regular basis so you can hang out with him instead, they’re going to start to resent him a little bit. It’s up to you to make time for your friendships, even when you have a boyfriend. So, if you want your friends to stay in your life, you better make room for them.
- You let him influence you too much. Are you growing out your signature bob because he prefers long hair? Did you start eating meat again because he complains about only being able to go to vegetarian restaurants? He may not even be asking you to change, but if your friends notice your opinions are suddenly reflecting his more often than not, they’re going to wonder why that is.
- You’re very clearly settling. Your friends want the best for you, so chances are they aren’t going to be okay with you dating just anyone because you don’t want to be alone. He might be a decent guy, but he’s still not right for you, so if they’re having a hard time accepting him, you can’t really blame them. You probably know exactly why they think you can do better too.
- You don’t let him speak for himself. You’re always putting words in his mouth and describing your relationship from your point of view. Your friends only know your side of everything, which is obviously biased in your favor. If he had a chance to defend himself or even just show them his good side, they might be less inclined to believe every negative thing you say about him. There are always two sides to every story, after all.
- You’re with him for the wrong reasons. If you’re with him for shallow reasons like because he makes a lot of money or you just don’t want to be alone, your friends are never going to think he’s worth their time or yours. You can so better than the “good enough for now” guy and you know it.
- You’ve changed since being with him. If you used to be the one who was always up for anything or the one your friends could always count on and now all you do is make excuses and insist on booking everything a month in advance, it’s no wonder your friends associate your change in personality with your relationship. Your personality shouldn’t change just because you have a boyfriend.
- You never leave his side. Suddenly you’re the girl who brings her boyfriend to things he clearly wasn’t invited to and acts like she has no idea why it’s so awkward. Your friends might like him fine, but if you force them to hang out with him every time they see you, they’re going to start to get annoyed.
