Are You Meant To Be Single? Here’s Why That’s Not A Bad Thing

“There’s someone for everyone.” “We weren’t meant to be single forever.” If you’ve been fed these platitudes all your life, here’s a light-bulb moment: maybe you’re just not meant to be with anyone long-term. This doesn’t mean that you’re a sad case. In fact, it can be a very good thing—here’s why.

  1. A study says so, that’s why. A study published in the Social Psychological & Personality Science journal surveyed 4,000 college students and found some interesting things based on their approach to relationships. Some people had what’s known as “high approach” goals. This basically means they wanted and actively sought a romantic relationship. Other people had “high avoidance” goals, meaning that they wanted to avoid drama and conflict. The result of the study found that it didn’t actually matter which group people fell into. What mattered was that the people had those goals because they truly wanted them. Basically, if you’re single forever but that’s what you honestly want, you’re making the right choice. No more apologizing for it!
  2. You avoid all the crazy stuff. If you’re the type of person who has high avoidance goals, you sidestep conflict and drama. By staying single, you can avoid all that BS that crops up in relationships, like when you have to take on your partner’s drama and it affects your life in a bad way. Being afraid of confronting those situations can actually be a good thing because it steers you away from negativity and towards a more positive, single life.
  3. You don’t force relationships that clearly aren’t meant to be. If you’re happy with where you are and what you want out of life, you’re not going to try to make a relationship happen by settling for an average Joe or trying to force a guy to be with you. You don’t need relationships to bring happiness to your life because you know that you can create it on your own. When you accept your current relationship status and make the most of it, you can’t lose.
  4. Your cup runneth over. It’s the biggest myth that a relationship will make you feel like your life’s complete. As a happy single, you’ve learned that many different things can fulfill you— who said a man was the only path to satisfaction? There’s so much else out there!
  5. You find out where you want your life to go and focus on getting there. One of the reasons you might fear being single is because you don’t really know what you really want. That’s why it’s so important to take time out and figure it out for yourself, whether that means going to a soulful retreat on your own or just taking time to meditate on it. Once you know what you want, you can make single life fantastic.
  6. There’s nothing wrong with you. The study mentioned above can help you see single life from a different perspective. Maybe your previous relationships didn’t work out because you actually wanted to be single. Maybe all the times you pushed guys away, it wasn’t because you had issues but because you wanted to do your own thing! How liberating to realize that there’s nothing wrong with you for rolling solo.
  7. You live and do more. It’s not always easy to stop dreaming about what you want for the future and concentrate on having an amazing present. But even if you do want to get into a relationship someday, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be making the most of your single life right now. It might not be here forever, so don’t waste it or you’ll regret it.
  8. It’s not about being stuck in your ways. Do yourself a favor—the next time someone asks you why you’re still single and you use your regular reason—”I’m too stuck in my ways to be with anyone”—change it to, “I’m too stuck to my standards to be with anyone.” It’s a very different thing. Being stuck in your ways implies inflexibility and lack of compromise, even selfishness that you can’t help. Sticking to your standards means that you’re committed to yourself. You’re supporting yourself and you know what you deserve. You’d make someone a great girlfriend but you’re choosing not to be one.
  9. You define yourself in an empowering way. What’s not to love about being single? There are joys to be experienced every day, from spending nights chasing your dreams instead of sleeping to packing it up and going away for the weekend without having to run it past anyone first. A Psychology Today article put it beautifully: you’re single at heart when you define yourself as single, not as someone who has failed in their love life. See? From the definition of what it means to be single, you’re all about having a life you love.
  10. You’re totally chilled out. You don’t feel anxious about not having met The One or not having been in a relationship for the last three years. It’s this lack of fear and anxiety that makes single life feel so good and right. You’re not chasing a relationship to desperately achieve it. You know that a relationship’s not an achievement at all, and you have real achievements to look forward to.
  11. You’re not running away. Being forever single doesn’t mean you’re afraid to commit or fall in love. It just means that you don’t want relationships and everything they bring into your life. You know relationships can be good and bad, but even the good days aren’t as great as the good days you have as a single person. They just don’t measure up!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.