As women, we’re used to men wanting sex all the time. In fact, sometimes we think that’s all they’re interested in. And while guys with rampant libidos are still out there, another subset is gaining traction. More and more men are suffering from death grip syndrome these days. Not only is it sad and problematic for them, but it’s actually ruining sex for everyone.
What is death grip syndrome?
Simply put, death grip syndrome is characterized by a man’s inability to achieve or maintain an erection or to achieve orgasm via “normal” sexual contact. It happens as a result of masturbating too frequently or vigorously. Men with death grip syndrome are usually guilty of gripping the penis too tightly during masturbation, leading to a loss of sensation and difficulty performing during penetrative sex.
Death grip syndrome, also known as DGS, isn’t a recognized medical condition at the current time. However, both the term and the condition have been around since the early 2000s. While it was thought to be largely anecdotal for many years, many experts believe that it’s very real. In fact, it could be a form of delayed ejaculation, a type of erectile dysfunction.
How it’s ruining everyone’s sex lives, not just men’s
- Couples struggle to be intimate. It stands to reason that if a man struggles to get or keep an erection, it’s going to be pretty hard to have penetrative sex. This isn’t the only way to be intimate with a partner, of course. However, it is a very big part of sexual intimacy. When missing, it can cause serious deterioration of the relationship.
- Men’s egos take a hit. Men with death grip syndrome may be in denial of the condition. Or, they might believe it’s happening because they’re falling short in some way or doing something wrong. Either way, not being able to enjoy “normal” sex with a partner can be depressing and isolating, and they may begin suffering from poor self-confidence as a result. They might also feel that their masculinity is being compromised.
- Women’s self-esteem may also suffer. Having a partner with death grip syndrome can be very difficult to deal with. Women may feel as though they’re not sexy or desirable enough for their partners to become aroused by them, which is completely untrue. DGS has nothing to do with how aroused a man is or how much he wants to have sex with someone. Nevertheless, it can leave partners of these men feeling extremely low.
- Men with DGS may only want rough or aggressive sexual encounters. Because the penis lacks sensation, men with DGS may seek rough or aggressive sex. This may be uncomfortable for their partners if they don’t enjoy this approach. This can cause discord in relationships and lead to a complete end to intimacy.
Is death grip syndrome just something we have to live with now?
Definitely not. Not only is meaningful and pleasurable intimacy in a relationship important, it’s downright vital to its survival. If you’re unable to connect with your partner in this way for reasons completely outside of your (or his) control, it’s normal to feel disappointed or upset. However, you don’t simply have to grin and bear it.
It’s important that whatever steps you and your partner to take to deal with death grip syndrome, you never resort to blaming or belittling him. Instead, show compassion and understanding. Offer to do what you can to help him solve the issue, then follow the steps below. It’s likely to be a long journey, but with some work, you’ll get there.
What can be done about it?
Not enough is known about DGS for experts to have come up with a cure for the condition. However, there are some things men can do to try and reverse or lessen the effects.
- Take a break from masturbation and sex. Given that death grip syndrome is largely a result of overstimulation of a kind, taking a break from stimulation could help. Stepping back and ceasing masturbation and sex entirely for anywhere from a few days to a couple of weeks may allow things to heal and reset, even if only partially.
- Consciously change your approach. When men do return to self-pleasuring, they should take a less aggressive approach. Be sure not to grip too tightly or stroke too vigorously as it will only further the problem of DGS.
- Reduce the frequency with which you masturbate. In addition to doing it less harshly, it’s also worth considering doing it less in general. While there are plenty of benefits of masturbation, it’s certainly possible to have too much of a good thing. If a man previously did this several times a day, maybe he should switch to a few times a week. See if this makes a difference and if any further adjustments need to be made.
- Have an open and honest conversation with your partner. Relationships without communication will never last, and talking about intimacy is incredibly important. DGS doesn’t have to ruin a relationship, but chances are it will play a part in it, even if only temporarily. That means being able to talk about it directly and without embarrassment is key. Men shouldn’t worry about being judged or shunned by their female partners. Women, on the other hand, should show support and love.
- If all else fails, see a medical professional. Since many experts believe death grip syndrome is a form of erectile dysfunction, it’s possible to treat it with standard ED drugs. “There’s a certain point where it doesn’t really matter why people have erectile dysfunction because the treatment’s all the same,” explained Dr. Richard Santucci, Chief of Urology at Detroit’s Receiving Center for Urologic Reconstruction. In an interview with VICE, Santucci said that medications like Cialis and Viagra can go a long way in curing a man’s inability to get or maintain an erection. More research needs to be done in the field. Given how prevalent the condition seems to be getting, it seems certain it will.
