It never fails — I have absolutely zero interest in a guy who’s crushing on me, but the second he gets into a relationship, I can’t get him out of my head. I’ve tried to stop myself from feeling this way before, but this is why I can’t deny my attraction to taken men:
- It’s about the chase. It’s not that the guy’s had an overnight makeover, but that my perception of him has changed. I knew I could probably have him anytime I liked when he was single, but now that he’s taken, he’s become an intriguing challenge. At least I’m not alone. A study by Oklahoma State University found that when 59 percent of women were offered a single man, they were interested in pursuing a relationship with him. But when he was said to be dating someone else, 90 percent of women said they wanted him. It just goes to show that a guy becomes more desirable when there’s an obstacle between you and him.
- Having a girlfriend means that he’s boyfriend material. The same study as above showed that when a man’s taken, he becomes more attractive because he’s been “pre-screened” by another woman who discovered that he’s a catch. Unlike the guys out there who’ve been single for years on end, this guy has proven that at least one woman out there finds him worthy of dating. If he’s good for her, he might be good for me, too. Right?
- He’s emotionally unavailable. As much as I hate to admit it, there’s something sexy about men who are emotionally unavailable. Yeah, I know I’ll probably get hurt, but I can’t help but be intrigued by how they keep themselves at a distance. It makes them so much sexier than a guy who’s pining after me. So the more unreachable a guy is because he has a GF, the more attractive he becomes to me.
- It would be an ego boost to get him. Sometimes it all comes down to pride. I can’t help but fantasize about how thrilling it would be to get to rip him away from his girlfriend and make him fall in love with me instead. But of course, this is always more appealing in my head than it is in real life. I’d never actually want to be a homewrecker, but I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t SOME appeal to the idea.
- When he stops giving me attention, he becomes interesting. It’s funny, but true: when the guy I don’t like is constantly giving me loads of attention and making it clear that he wants to ask me out, it becomes annoying and I just want him to leave me alone. But then when he moves on and starts dating someone else, I can’t help but feel a little disappointed. Yup, I miss the attention more than the guy.
- I want what I can’t have. When someone is off-limits to me, his desirability increases tenfold. It’s like when I lust after a pair of expensive boots, but know that if I suddenly got the money to buy them, I’d be a little more cautious about spending all that money on them. I’m sure if this guy became single, I’d lose interest in him all over again — he’s more intriguing when he’s a daydream.
- I want the bad boy I can change. When he was single and hitting on me, I rejected him because I knew he’d be a bad idea. But now that he’s got a girlfriend and she seems so stoked that they’re together, I can’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy. Why? I want the bad boy who will change for me. Even though I know it’s highly unrealistic, it’s still a nice idea to think that I could tame him.
- I’ll blame biology for this one. Helen Fisher, author of the book “Why We Love”, says that back in the caveman days, a man was regarded as being a good catch when he could provide for a woman. Although I don’t need a man to take care of me, seeing a guy in happy, successful relationship with another woman triggers the part of my brain that fires up at the thought of him being a good protector.
- A guy who’s got his act together is sexy AF. With so many jerks and players out there, it’s refreshing to find a guy who has his act together and can be in a real relationship. Once I see proof that a guy’s willing to commit, it immediately makes him more attractive… even if I’m not the one he wants to commit to.
- I fear missing an opportunity. When I see that other women want the guy I rejected or didn’t find attractive before, it can make me doubt myself. I might fear that I’ve missed out on a great guy who would’ve made me happy. Of course, this is often misleading. If he broke up with his GF and came running to me, I’d have another reality check and remember that he isn’t my type. From afar, every guy can seem like a catch.
