My dating life has been pretty bleak thus far. The major relationships I’ve been in and the guys I’ve dated have all been terrible, and with hookup culture running rampant, I almost gave up on love completely. However, I’m glad I didn’t because I’ve finally met an amazing man that I really like—and I’m seriously freaking out about it.
I thought guys like him were a myth. Until I met him, I had no idea that guys like him even existed anymore. It was almost as if I stepped right out of reality and into some really amazing dream. I’ve pinched myself several times just to make sure since then, but he’s here and he’s real. Still, it’s no wonder I’m feeling as though I could very well have hallucinated him due to severe mental stress from dealing with players.
But wait a minute—what if he’s not that great? What if he’s just an okay guy and I’ve got stuck on, like, two good traits he has because the dating scene is such a disaster? I don’t want to overthink myself into ruining a good thing, but if it’s not actually something that’s good for me, I want to know now so I can nip it in the bud. The only trick is figuring out how.
What if I ruin it? I don’t want to be so obsessed with not ruining things that I end up destroying anything and everything good that ever happens to me, but when I met this guy, I couldn’t help but freak out a bit. If he’s really as great as I think he might be, then I’m overthinking myself into ruining it. I need to figure out how to lock it down before things turn to crap—but how?
When I don’t get a quick text back, I wonder. I’m not one to sit there and chat for hours via text because I really don’t like to and I honestly just don’t have the time. Still, if he doesn’t text me back right away, I always wonder if maybe that last text was a bit of an overshare or just too weird. Did he care? Probably not—he’s just busy like any other normal person. Or, maybe he did think I was weird and I’ll never hear from him again. Ugh, it’s agonizing.
I know I’m being pretty irrational. At least I know I am, and knowing is half the battle, right? If I’m aware of my behavior, maybe I can swing myself back into reality in an instant if I really wanted to. Well, in theory, anyway. Unfortunately, things don’t really work that way in my brain.
I really shouldn’t be placing this guy on such a high pedestal. I know he’s human and has his flaws, but I can’t help but put him on a pedestal of sorts. I haven’t met a man quite like him in I can’t even remember how long and he makes me feel so alive. It does, however, go against everything I stand for, like really getting to know someone fully before holding them in such a high regard. I really think this one is able to live up to my expectations, but I do need to wait and see.
I can be myself with him and that’s terrifying. Being able to be totally myself around someone new NEVER happens. I have, like, three friends I feel truly comfortable with and they’ve all been around for as long as I can remember. With him, it was entirely effortless from the very beginning—his weird matched mine and it was like we had known each other forever. That’s freaking me out because if I’m completely myself, then he’s going to see all the bad crap too.
The stakes are so much higher. If everything does continue to go well, that means I‘ll be in a relationship with someone amazing—a real decent guy. And when that happens, I’ll have so much more to lose. It’s easy to end a relationship with a player because it’s always goodbye, good riddance when it’s over. When it’s an amazing guy, losing him is so much harder.
I’m worried about how he feels about me. Even though I know he’s truly into me because we have a great time together and he’s pretty much made his feelings clear, I’m always thinking that maybe he’ll turn around and ghost me or turn into a monster at midnight. I don’t know why I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop—probably because of all the douchebags I’ve dealt with.
Could he be “The One”? Above all else, the thing that’s causing me to freak out like a kid in a candy store is the very real chance that he could be THE guy—the one that I end up with—and that in and of itself is serious business. I can’t even get a tattoo because that’s a huge commitment, so if he does end up being “The One,” that will be for life. Yikes.
I really just need to relax and enjoy the ride. Instead of sending myself into an anxiety spiral, I really should just be happy that I’ve actually managed to find such a majestic creature. It’s actually stupid to allow myself to freak out as much as I have been and I have to get it together. If only it was that simple.
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