What Is ‘Micro-Cheating’ & How Can You Tell If He’s Doing It?

What Is ‘Micro-Cheating’ & How Can You Tell If He’s Doing It? ©iStock/ondine32

He may not have had sex with another girl, but just because he hasn’t physically cheated, doesn’t mean he’s 100% faithful to you. Infidelity plays out in lots of little ways, all of which add up to a big problem. If you notice any of the following things going on in your relationship, you might have a micro-cheater on your hands:

  1. He’s flirted with your female friends or made suggestive comments to you about them. He may not have outright hooked up with them, but he may have gotten a little too friendly with them on one of your nights out or let it slip that he thinks one of them is pretty hot. He should only have eyes for you, and if he doesn’t, there’s a problem.
  2. He gives you reasons to be jealous. You’re a pretty confident and secure person in general, but something about the way he talks to and looks at other women is just… off. It’s not that he talks to other women — it’s the way he talks to them, sometimes right in front of you.
  3. He’s half-jokingly implied that you shouldn’t trust him. He may have tried to play it off like he was just joking around when he’s told you not to trust him, but there’s a kernel of truth to every joke, and he’s right — you probably shouldn’t. If he’s constantly making little remarks about how he’s shady or up to no good, he probably is.
  4. He’s hooked up with all of his female friends and/or is still chatty with all his exes. If they have a history, then they’re not just friends. Whether it’s an ex-girlfriend or an ex-hookup, if all of his female friends fall under those two categories, then there’s a problem. Your boyfriend obviously can’t establish the difference between friends and benefits, so what does that make you?
  5. He has an excuse for all his BS behavior that doesn’t add up. When you’re uncomfortable with something he does, you should be able to confront him and have a rational conversation. But there’s nothing rational about the micro-cheater. He doesn’t care about being honest; he cares about not getting caught. None of his explanations for things that don’t add up do anything to clarify the situation, and instead make it even more evident that he’s lying.
  6. He treats other women exactly the way he treats you. The way he acts towards you should be different than the way he acts with other woman. You’re his girlfriend, so your relationship should be special. If it’s not, then you obviously don’t mean a whole lot to him. Let him be with all those other ‘special’ girls, because you’re way too good for his ass.
  7. He texts his female friends or co-workers more than he texts you — and replies quicker, too. Guys don’t waste their time texting girls if they’re not interested in something more. Sure, he might text one of his female friends to set up a time to hang out, but they’re not going to consistently text about their days like girls do. If he’s ignoring you to chat up another girl, that’s a pretty big problem, and you shouldn’t let it go unchecked.
  8. He can’t help but be a ladies’ man. He might claim that women just flock to him, but don’t buy this BS for a second. Women are interested in him because he’s taking an active interest in them. If he were truly faithful then he’d only be interested in you.
  9. He keeps your relationship a secret. If his best friends and family don’t even know who you are or that he even has a girlfriend, then he’s obviously hiding something. Why would he want the most important people in his life to think he’s single? Hmm… maybe because he wants random girls to think he’s a free agent, too.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.