Are You In A Micro Relationship? Here’s How To Tell

You might think you’re in a serious relationship, but even if your BF claims to be really interested in you, it doesn’t mean that he’s 100% committed to you. You might actually be in a micro relationship—here’s how you know for sure.

  1. He never calls, he texts. He makes regular contact, but it’s always via text. He never makes the effort to pick up the phone and hear your voice.
  2. He’s an email king. He totally ignores other methods of communication, choosing to email you instead. WTF? It’s like he’s trying to keep you at a distance. Who emails their partner instead of just picking up the phone?
  3. He invites you to the club. When he makes plans to see you on the weekend, he’ll always suggest hitting a new club or going to a party in his neighborhood. He never actually invites you to a real date, such as dinner.
  4. He’s a light conversationalist. He’d rather chat about fun stuff than get real. In fact, whenever you try to speak to him about serious subjects, he looks annoyed or bored. He doesn’t want to get real, which means that he’s not letting you in emotionally.
  5. He doesn’t plus-one you. When he has to go to a wedding or other important function, he never invites you to go as his partner. This leaves you wondering if he’s afraid to introduce you to people or he has someone else who goes with him. Hmmm.
  6. He’s anti-label. When you talk about relationships or you ask him where you stand, he’s likely to say how much he likes you but he’s not into relationship labels. Don’t be fooled into thinking he’s more free-spirited than other guys and doesn’t want to be put into a box – he just doesn’t want to commit.
  7. He takes the party back to your place. He loves coming over to spend time with you after you’ve been out to an amazing party, but he never lets you go to his place. WTF? It’s like he’s keeping part of his life completely out of bounds.
  8. He always talks about sex. When he compliments you, it’s always about how great sex is with you. He tends to flirt with you a lot during text conversations, which at first felt flattering but now it feels like he’s sex-obsessed.
  9. You can’t speak your mind. You just don’t feel comfortable about speaking your mind to, or sharing your feelings with, this guy. That’s a sure sign something’s not right and you’re not actually heading for a serious, committed relationship.
  10. He falls back on saying he likes you. When he’s upset you, such as by avoiding your calls all weekend, the micro boyfriend will quickly try to reel you back in because he’s afraid to lose you. He’ll do this by saying, “But I really like you!” as though this makes his crappy behavior okay. Note: it’s always “like” and never “love” or even “I have strong feelings for you.”
  11. He’s got selective amnesia. Conveniently, the guy never remembers important details about you. He “forgets” that you’re allergic to nuts or when your birthday is until he sees it on Facebook. He’s just not tuned into who you are and what you’re about in the way a real boyfriend should be.
  12. You’re the event planner. You’re always the one who plans real dates. Just because he might come to those dates, it doesn’t mean he’s serious about you. He should be making more of an effort to ask you out, FFS! A lazy guy is a micro boyfriend.
  13. You had a whirlwind romance. Things got hot and heavy really quickly with this guy. Your relationship progressed through many milestones, but now the dust has settled and it seems he’s lost his crazy need to see you and speak to you. Is he burned out? Perhaps he was just after the chase from the start. What a jerk.
  14. He says he’s not big on romance. Oh, how convenient! After telling you how much he wanted to be with you and bringing you flowers on your first date, now the guy’s saying that he’s not a romantic person or he just doesn’t do romantic things. This is his way of investing less into the relationship, when really he should be upping the stakes.
  15. He expects more than he gives. A telltale sign of the micro boyfriend is when he holds you to high standards but then doesn’t give you the same in return. So, he might demand that you stay true to your word, but then he keeps breaking his promises to you. What a loser. He’s not meeting you halfway and probably never will.
  16. It’s his way or the highway. When he wants to see you, he wants to see you NOW. When he calls, it’s because doing so is most convenient for him. For instance, his other plans fell through and now he’s keen for some entertainment. Everything always has to suit him, otherwise, he might get defensive, act hurt, or make you feel guilty. A real boyfriend will know how to compromise.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.