Playing hard to get is a dating technique that women have been advised to follow for what feels like forever. Ever since we were young, we’ve had it drilled into us that we can’t be seen as too available or too easy by a guy or he simply won’t be interested. Luckily for you, I’m here to clue you in on a better option—mirroring.
- Guys shouldn’t have to do all the chasing. I’m growing tired of having to wait around for a guy and I’m sure I’m not alone in that. We’re used to having to wait for the dudes to ask us out, wait for them to initiate a texting session, and wait for them to tell us that they’re ready to be exclusive. Quite frankly, it’s exhausting and total BS.
- Playing hard to get stems from uneven power dynamics. In the past, playing hard to get has been used as a way of showing a guy that we’re not “too easy” in case it put him off. Not only does this not always work—some guys will take us at our words/actions and assume we’re not interested if we don’t act like we are—but it also puts the ball in guys’ courts and makes us powerless to do anything but—and I’ll say it again—wait around. No thanks.
- Pretending to be unavailable rarely achieves the desired effect. Sure, playing hard to get might eliminate any toxic bros from the equation very early on, but it could also totally give a nice guy the wrong impression. He might genuinely think you don’t like him or you’re trying to shake him off, thus resulting in him ending his pursuit before it really gets going.
- Being hot and cold with a guy is confusing and kind of cruel. Being all over him one minute and then distancing yourself the next sends out major mixed messages. It’s better to make your attraction known so that you both know where you stand very early on. After all, you’d hate it if a guy did this to you, right?
- Contrary to popular belief, decent guys don’t actually like playing games. I know this might be a bit of a revelation, ladies, but guys don’t actually want to play games. They don’t like the drama. The majority of the time, if a guy thinks you’re playing games or gets the sense that you’re a handful to deal with, then there’s a good chance that he’s going to try and GTFO.
- Try mirroring: for every move a guy makes, you should reciprocate with one of your own. Dating experts say that men and women should both make the moves in a 21st century relationship. When you’re with a guy officially, it’s seen as an equal partnership, therefore effort should be made by both parties right from the very start.
- It’s important to take the lead sometimes. It doesn’t have to be all the time, but it’s important to show the guy that you’re a team player. Don’t just leave all the work to the guy. If he’s asked you out on the first date, why don’t you ask him out on the second? By taking charge of the situation at times, it will remove your passive aggressive attitude towards dating and set the tone for the rest of the relationship.
- If you’re interested, you should show it. Sure, it might go against what we were initially taught about dating and men in general, but the trick is to match each other’s dating efforts. Don’t downplay your feelings in any way, shape, or form. Dating nowadays is all about being open and honest throughout the whole process.
- Women who put themselves out there as much as they want guys to are a breath of fresh air. Guys nowadays don’t really like it when we don’t show them where they stand, any more than we like it when they don’t show us. In fact, a guy is more likely to chase a lady who clearly isn’t playing games. Honesty is so refreshing.
- A relationship that’s a 50/50 effort stands a much better chance of lasting. Essentially, your relationship is more likely to last longer if you’re both putting in equal amounts of effort from the very start, and treating it as a 50/50 partnership from the beginning. It makes sense, right?
